Binghamton Hospital Announces First Gay and Lesbian Child Births of New Year

     A Binghamton area hospital announced the first gay and lesbian child births of the New Year.
     "We are proud to announce that twins George and Myra are hungry and healthy," said Medical Director Rahm Emanuel of the W.C. Fields Children's Hospital. "Their mother is also healthy after a difficult labor. The twins sexual orientation was determined by Sex Orientation Scan Imaging. The results were positive. Happy New Year!"
     The joyful mother was not immediately available for interview. Her partner, who was visiting at the hospital, told the staff: "This is the happiest day of my life."
     The following day protest signs appeared outside the hospital. Pastor Ralph Dudley of the Church of Christ Redeemed and about twenty church followers paraded on the sidewalk in front of the hospital. Binghamton police said a permit had been issued.
     Signs were turned toward passing motorists.
     "Honk If You Love Jesus."
     "Sex Imaging Is False Positive and Immoral."
     "No more Gay and Lesbian Abomination."
     "TSA and Sex Scanners Are Tools of the Devil."
     "Family Values and Virtues."
     "Read Scripture."
     "Solitary Fracking May Cause Blindness."
     "We Don't Need Another Adam Lambert or Ellen DeGeneres."
     The Sex Orientation Scan Imaging Device was imported from Germany last month. W.C. Fields Children's Hospital is the first hospital in the United States to use it. The German manufacturer, Garfunkel, specified .005% error per scan.