NYC SUING GOD

New York City Suing God

     Following a lawsuit aimed at big oil companies, Mayor Bill de Blasio said yesterday that New York City is filing another lawsuit, this one against the Trinity, seeking unspecified damages that will likely total in the tens of billions of dollars. The immediate cause for the suit, filed against "God the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost," is the damage and expenses associated with climate change—"caused by God’s complicity with big oil companies and a conspiracy of deliberate and malicious actions here on earth." 

     Underlying the recent surge in lawsuits is the disturbing evidence of the city's deep indebtedness.

     As in the case filed against big oil companies, the city wants to recoup the costs of rebuilding from hurricane Sandy and the $20 billion that it plans to spend on storm repairs. The Trinity, the city’s lawsuit claims, "deliberately engaged in a campaign of deception and denial about global warming and its impacts," while actively involved with big oil companies.

     Asked about the litigation strategy, de Blasio dismissed the suggestion that it might be difficult to prove that the defendants caused the hurricane. The same argument was made as in the case against the big oil companies. "I think we are going to win the argument that climate change exists; I feel really confident about that one," he smirked. "And I think it’s pretty clear the Trinity had something to do with it." 

     Corporation counsel Zachary Carter said the case was a straightforward tort action, based on the damages that resulted from Sandy. "The theory of this lawsuit," explained Carter, "is it exploits our nuisance laws, and that both in terms of public and private nuisance we believe that’s a cause of action that . . . gives us certain strategic advantages in litigation."

     The multi-state tobacco industry settlement, awarded in 1998, is a model for the city’s litigation, said the mayor. "The tobacco analogy is important," he observed, explaining that a cultural change occurred after Big Tobacco admitted to having hidden evidence that cigarette use is unhealthy. As for hurricane Sandy, "We no longer assume that the Trinity is innocent…"

     It isn’t clear whether de Blasio intends that this new lawsuit will go anywhere, or whether he is simply grandstanding to boost his political profile in preparation for a presidential run in 2020.

     How city attorneys will serve notice on defendant Trinity is an unsolved mystery. Some of the mayor’s advisers have suggested that it can be done through contact with the city’s clergy, while others have suggested an immediate on-your-knees prayer meeting. If the legal service and action are successful, by whatever means, the next hurdle for the city is how and where to collect damages that are awarded. 

     The mayor’s staff is dubious, including Carter, who was rumored to have told the Comptroller, "No way, Scott." Mayor de Blasio, baptized a Catholic but never confirmed, remains optimistic and has requested an audience with the Pope on April 1.

I. M. Cerious,
NYC.