NEW YORK CITY RATS

 

Evidence of rat persecution and genocide in the historical record to be presented by Rodney Rat before the New York City Common Council.

     New York City Mayor Adams has announced a new war on rats. Quoted by the press he said:

     "I hate rats as you know; I’m scared of them and when I see one I think about it all day. So, I am fixated on killing rats."  

     Shortly after the mayor's announcement Rodney Rat, spokesperson for Rats' Lives Matter, complained to the city council about the mayor’s war on rats. "The mayor's action is attempted genocide," he said with a fluent Bronx accent. He defended the right of rats to exist in New York City, saying that they had been there ever since the first ship landed near the Battery. "Review the history of our existence and pay less attention to political histrionics," he said. "We have our rights too. We don't discriminate against humans and their garbage. Why do they discriminate against us? As for the mayor, his war on rats only exacerbates the injury.

     "The mayor wants to trap and poison rats. Perhaps it is time to trap and poison wayward politicians?

     "If illegal migrants can enter the United States and freely chose New York City as their habitation, why are rats damned and persecuted? The reports of a city health nuisance due to rat infestations are overblown, and they need to be examined. Rats actually clean up garbage left in alleys and subways and on streets. Rats provide a public service.

     "When the Department of Health complained about rat infestations at the mayor's brownstone rentals on Lafayette Ave., the reports dealt with effects rather than cause. The cause is careless disposal of garbage and careless management. The mayor ought to take responsibility for it and stop blaming rats for an open feeding invitation at his rentals."

     At press time today Rodney Rat was preparing to speak before the United Nations General Assembly on the rights of Indigenous Animals. He plans to address a special meeting of the city council too. He is expected to request a broad amnesty for the rats in New York City. It was rumored that he may also demand an end to discrimination, rodent voting rights, rodent representation in local elections and all the health benefits proposed or actually given to illegal immigrants, including Planned Parenthood services without abortion referrals.