Requests for DA Endorsement Declined

     The staff at the Cortland Contrarian recently received a request to endorse incumbent District Attorney Sue Benn for reelection. Supporters of challenger Keith Daydream also requested our support and endorsement.
     As the $119,703 base salary for the district attorney's office was increased an additional 17% by the state legislature this year, we have decided to withhold our endorsements for the major party candidates, and pursue a write-in campaign for our below-poverty-line staff member Sherwood.
     We ask the public to write in Sherwood's name for district attorney in the appropriate location on the ballot on election day.

P.S. Sherwood is licensed to practice law in New York State. So are several other well-known Cortland (male) apes of lesser aptitude than Sherwood.
                         
                              SHERWOOD  

 

"I could be your next District Attorney!"

The Turtle

 

 

 

 

     The inventor of the first submarine deployed in combat was a Connecticut Yankee: David Bushnell. The submarine was nick-named the Turtle because of its shape and features.
     On the night of September 6, 1776, this one-man craft with attached mine slipped into the Hudson River near Washington Heights. It was piloted by Continental Army Sgt. Ezra Lee. His orders were to attack the British ship HMS Eagle which was anchored near Governor's Island. Floating on the outgoing tide, Sgt. Lee maneuvered the submarine on the surface of the Hudson until he sighted the British ship, a 64-gun ship-of-the-line.
     Sgt. Lee submerged the Turtle but miscalculated the distance to the British ship and his own speed. He surfaced downstream from the HMS Eagle. He waited more than two hours for the tide to reverse before approaching the warship. Riding a high bicycle seat within the submarine, with foot pedals that were attached to shaft and propeller, he made his way in darkness to the side of the British warship and then he submerged the Turtle. He attempted to place a mine onto the hull of the warship by use of a large drill. He was unsuccessful; the warship was a copper-clad ship. 
     Afraid of discovery by the ship's watch, he surfaced, separated from the HMS Eagle, and made for shore. Despite the darkness, he was spotted and the crew of the warship lowered boats to chase him. He submerged again. Due to the limited air space within the submarine, he could only stay underwater half an hour. When he resurfaced, British sailors saw his craft and hailed him from their boats. Sgt. Lee and his submarine were passing the Battery and entering the East River. He detached the mine, which had a timer. The British long boats were drawing closer to him now, as he pedaled his submarine toward shore.
     When the mine exploded, a spectacular geyser rose from the Hudson. On shore, the Continental Army cheered and fired musket balls into the early morning air. The British boatmen, fearful of additional mine explosions and gunfire from shore, returned to their ship.
     The British fleet raised anchors and sailed for the lower bay.
     The Turtle was a sophisticated craft made of rudimentary materials. It was made of oak, fastened with iron bands and covered with pitch for waterproofing. The pilot used foxfire, a moss that glows in the dark, to see the water depth gauge and compass. The submarine was 7 1/2 feet tall and 6 feet wide at the center. It had a special leak-proof intake valve to obtain fresh air when the craft was on the water's surface. Water was used as ballast for submerging and raising the submarine.
     David Bushnell invented the submarine while he was a student at Yale. He also experimented with gunpowder and underwater mines, and discovered that the density of water increases the effectiveness of explosions.
     David Bushnell was born on a farm near Saybrook, Connecticut. The year of his birth is in dispute (1740 or 1742). After the Revolutionary War, he moved to Georgia and established himself as a teacher and later as a medical doctor. He died in 1824.

References:

1) Navy Department Library
2) MIT--Inventor of the Week
3) Military.com--Sgt. Ezra Lee

Tromptown Run, DeRuyter, New York

The History of the Tromptown Run

The village of DeRuyter in central New York State was originally called Tromptown. Jan Lincklaen, an agent for the Holland Land Co., whose territory included Cazenovia and areas south, named it. In the winter of 1653 the British had clamped an airtight blockade on the Dutch coastal cities causing serious shortages and the resulting hunger riots caused the Dutch Admiral Marten von Tromp to attempt to break the blockade. On July 31, 1653 the Dutch lost 4,000 men and 13 ships in the battle. Tromp was killed and Admiral Michiel de Ruyter was now in command. In the years following the British navy was strengthened in readiness for a second Dutch war. However widespread corruption and waste and eventually the bubonic plague in the summer of 1665 causing the death of nearly 100,000 in London gave the Dutch a chance to rebuild their fleet. In June of 1667 Admiral de Ruyter sailed up the Thames river, shelled London, destroyed many English warships and captured the British flagship the Royal Charles. De Ruyter was now a hero and Jan Lincklaen being one to "run with the tide" changed the name of Tromptown to DeRuyter and so it remains today.To learn more about DeRuyter and the area visit the DeRuyter-On-Line-site.

A "voyage of discovery" was initiated between our village and the Netherlands because no other village, town or city in the world is known to bear this name. The ship Admiral DeRuyter of the NATO fleet designated DeRuyter as their "Flagship Town" in 1982. In April of 1982 the Royal Netherlands Marine Band and members of the Dutch Navy and diplomatic legations of New York and Washington came to our community for two days of celebration in recognition of 200 continuous years of Dutch-American diplomatic relations. The Indian name Tioughnioga (tie-oth-nee-o-ga) means "meeting of the road and waters" or more poetically "a bank of flowers" was given to our local river and lake and to our excellent volunteer fire department. Both our fire department and village serve a greater area community with an unusual variety of businesses, services, churches, organizations and one of the smallest central school systems in the state. Local activities range from hang-gliding, snowmobiling, skiing and water sports on the lake. The DeRuyter Firemen's Fair is one example of the total community involvement in such activities.

In 1888 horse-trotting races became a popular event and a track and grandstands were built. Precedent for the Fair was set by Sig Sautelle's Circus, which wintered and trained in DeRuyter from 1896 to the early 1900's. In 1908 the first four-county fair, Cortland, Madison, Chenango and Onondaga, was the immediate forerunner of the present Firemen's Fair which was started in 1927. The grandstand and racetrack are gone and 2-legged runners, the Fair's major opening night event, have replaced the 4-legged ones.

Over three decades ago, Steve Camelbeek, a local teacher, track coach and volunteer fireman decided to initiate a cross-country race as part of the Firemen's Fair program. Win Skeele, a local businessman and former teacher entered and came in last of the 24 runners. Since then Win has gone from participant to director and the Tromptown Run has become a full-fledged running event. The distances were first measured by automobile as 3, 6, and 13.2 miles. However the "too fast" times prompted us to investigate and accurately re-measure the distances as 2.7, 5.86 and 12.7 miles. Oops!!

As the number of runners went from tens to hundreds, the starting line was moved to the school athletic field on grass and the distances were changed to 3 miles, 10 KM and 13.2 miles. The perilous turn at the finish on loose gravel and the need to conform to international standards prompted us in 1982 to change to standardized distances of 5 KM, 10 KM and Half-Marathon and with no gravel turn at the finish. This required revised measurements and certification, three different starting times and lines, revised mile markers, more workers and a lot of work.

Since then, the courses have been re-certified to reflect the required correction factors. The start was moved from grass to pavement near the cemetery. The 10 KM race was discontinued in 1996 for safety reasons but is still certified and may be back in the future as safety factors are corrected.   
Race Records

Contact Win Skeele with any questions. winskeele@hotmail.com



Editor's note: The primary purpose for posting this cut-and-paste page from the Tromptown Run website is to show the concise local history of the Village of DeRuyter and the relationship to Dutch Admiral DeRuyter and the Netherlands. View Win Skeele's website for additional information about the Tromptown Run by clicking on History of Tromptown Run.
Read more about Admiral DeRuyter at Google books.
 

Basic Concept of Physical Attraction

 

 

 

     "What do you know about gravity, George?"
     "I can tell you that I discovered gravity when I was five years old, Sam. I fell out of a tree."
     "Hurt yourself?"
     "I fell on my side and banged my head on the ground. It wasn't the best of falls. But I learned quickly that gravity works."
     "That fall may explain why you have such a laconic sense of humor--perhaps your brain was rearranged in the fall."
     "Sam, when I was twenty-three I fell off a donkey in Mexico. Donkey crap all over my clothes, humid weather and flies! That told me something about gravity and donkeys. I was so damn mad that I changed my political persuasion. I've been a Republican ever since."
     "Sure the donkey didn't kick you in the head?"
     "I'd remember if it did--maybe not. After I fell, the donkey wouldn't let me back on the saddle. I took off my shoes and walked barefoot in donkey crap along the path. That smart ass followed me with a swagger and a smile."
     "Why were you in Mexico and where?"
     "I was on vacation near the Caves of Garcia, a short distance from Monterrey. The donkey path led to a waterfall called The Horse's Tail. I walked to a spot just short of the falls. I couldn't see the falls--so using my best Spanish I asked the Mexican donkey boys for directions. They burst out laughing when they heard my best Spanish."
     "What did you say that made them laugh?"
     "Donde esta la cola de caballero?"
     "What the hell is that?"
     "It translates: Where is the gentleman's tail?"
     "Ha! I can understand why they laughed at you."
     "I guess I got the Spanish word for horse and gentleman mixed up. A horse is caballo."
     "So what else do you know about gravity besides falling out of a tree and falling off a donkey?"
     "Well, to be truthful, I know as much about gravity as I know about Spanish. I know that Newton got the idea by watching an apple fall from a tree. What's all this about gravity? When did you become a rocket scientist?"
     "Yesterday I was watching a young British scientist, Brian Cox, on TV. He said there was something missing about our understanding of gravity."
     "What did he mean by that? Is a planet missing?"
     "If there is, he didn't mention it. He explained that Einstein thought space and time were united. The closer you get to the speed of light, the more time and space are compressed. He said that's what created the effect of gravity. I was impressed."
     "Did you fully understand it?"
     "No."
     "I don't either. So why should this be the number one topic of discussion in this Cortland diner so early in the morning? It doesn't pay the bills. Besides, my eggs and toast are getting cold."
     "I'll tell you why. It made me curious. How many times have you heard an educated person say, 'Think outside the box?'"
     "I haven't been in a classroom for over 50 years, Sam. Besides, that's what my dentist tells me to do when I say I don't have enough money to pay him. 'Think outside the box.'"
     "But Einstein was right about gravity, George. It has something to do with space-time."
     "You won't hear me argue with Einstein."
     "Neither will I. Einstein added a new concept to Newton's formula for gravity."
     "Do you know Newton's formula?"
     "No, can't say I do. But I understand it and I think I can explain it. You see, it's a basic concept of physical attraction. Take two bodies consisting of mass--like me and my wife. I'm skinny and she's fat. I'll whisper this to you so no one else can hear: women don't appreciate it when you talk about their weight. I swear my wife weighs twice as much as I do. She was heavier than I was when we got married, would you believe it?"
     "I won't touch that one."
     "It's because she's so much heavier than I am that I'm attracted to her. It makes scientific sense. A large mass attracts a small mass. That's Newton's theory in a nutshell."
     "I don't think Newton or Einstein would subscribe to your interpretation."
      "Probably not."
     "Sam, the only thing that makes scientific sense now is that my breakfast is moving toward absolute zero. I'm going to eat now, if you don't mind, before my eggs turn into ice."


How Gravity Really Works--YouTube
    
 

Cinderella

www.TaxNightmare.org


cartoon credit: G.S.

Per-diem Pocket Padding

State legislators don't deserve a raise-Buffalo News editorial

State Gambling Addiction











 

The Great Chain

 

 

 

MPI/Getty Images

 

                              Head-Quarters, New York, 21st July, 1776.

     Sir--You are without delay to proceed to Fort Montgomery, or Constitution, in the Highlands, on Hudson's River, and put yourself under the command of Col. George Clinton, or the commanding officer there,--to act as Engineer in compleating such works as are already laid out,--and such others as you, with the advice of Col. Clinton, may think necessary: 'Tis expected and required of you, that you pay close attention to this business, and drive on the works with all possible dispatch. In case of attack by the enemy, or in any action with them, you are to join and act with the Artillery on that station; and to return to your duty in the regiment as soon as you can be spared from the works.
                               I am, sir, your most humble serv't.
                                               GO. WASHINGTON

     George Washington's order was addressed to Captain Thomas Machin, an engineer in the Continental Army. Captain Machin had distinguished himself at the Battle of Bunker Hill, where he laid out the fortification lines and was wounded in the arm during the battle. He was a member of the Sons of Liberty and he participated at the Boston Tea Party.
     In 1778, Captain Machin designed and installed the Great Chain which was floated across the Hudson River from West Point to Constitution Island. The chain was manufactured in six weeks at Sterling Iron Works in Warwick, New York. When all of the links were assembled, the chain measured 600 yards across and weighed over 65 tons.
     Rafts were built of 12 foot waterproof timbers. Each raft held ten links, a swivel and a clevis. The rafts were attached to each other with 4 waterproof logs 16 feet in length. When these rafts were floated into position on the river, the chain links were joined. The south end of the chain was anchored at a cove on the West Point of the river, and the north end of the chain was anchored at Constitution Island. Both ends of the chain were anchored in heavy log cribs filled with large rocks on shore.
     A separate log boom was built and installed about one hundred yards downstream from the chain. This was an additional barrier to slow or halt British ships, which would then be targets for shore batteries located on both sides of the river.
     The chain remained in place from 1778 to 1783. To avoid winter ice damage to the rafts, the chain was removed each winter and put back in the river each spring. No British ship ever passed or attempted to pass it.

References:
1) West Point Fortifications
2) Wikipedia--Hudson River Chain
3) History of Schoharie County, Thomas Machin
4) AG Corps Print--Washington's Watch Chain
5) Chain and Boom History

How Much Is A Smile Worth?

 

     Would you believe 8 million kronor, or $1.2 million dollars? That will be the award given by the Shadow Nobel Prize Committee to Cortland's Mayor Brian Tobin on December 10, 2012 at a ceremony to be held in Roswell, New Mexico.
     Mayor Tobin won the Best Smile on Earth award based on several photos published during his 2011 mayoral campaign. The committee did not look at his cute baby pictures, although several were submitted by his parents. It seems that Brian Tobin won despite a dissenting committee voter--an alien called Humphrey Bogart DeMond. DeMond said that he voted against Tobin because he believed Tobin's smile was "disingenuous and designed to influence voters."
     Mayor Tobin was officially notified by an extraterrestrial visitor at his home in Cortland on Friday, October 12, 2012. His response to the ghostly image was immediate: "Is this a joke? Is this an early Halloween prank?" When he was informed that it was not a joke, he asked: "How much is the award?" He was told $1.2 million dollars.
     Contacted by the Cortland Contrarian, Mayor Tobin confirmed that he is the recipient of the Best Smile on Earth award, and he said that he will donate all of the money that he receives to his favorite charity--Smile Train.
     A troublemaker at the Cortland Contrarian contacted former Mayor Tom Gallagher and asked for his opinion of the Best Smile award. Gallagher claimed that he has the best smile* in Cortland, and that the Shadow Nobel Prize Committee obviously made a mistake in judgment, or has come under the influence of young female Democrats--political groupies--who adore Brian Tobin.
     You be the judge.

Tom Gallagher

 

Brian Tobin

 

* Best Smile in Cortland.

 

Worst. Prize. Ever.