Complaints about the "Historic Swap of Assets" came pouring into Republican headquarters this morning. The complaints were not about the swap per se, but about the unexpected result, a disproportionate amount of manure manufactured by the jack-ass.
Disbelieving Republican committee members went to the county fairgrounds to see for themselves. They were amazed to see that the jack-ass had out-produced the elephant by a ratio of 2:1.
Phone calls were made to determine the pedigree of the jack-ass. One urgent phone call was made to Democratic Committee headquarters for an explanation. An unidentified person who answered refused to comment. (Laughter was heard in the background.) Several more phone calls were attempted--with the same result.
Meanwhile, a curious Republican found a very small ear tag on the right ear of the jack-ass: "NYS Agricultural Experiment Station, Geneva, N.Y. DEM02."
Cornell University was contacted. The school of agriculture sent an animal expert to identify the jack-ass. When the woman arrived at the county fairgrounds, she was immediately led to the tethered jack-ass. After a brief inspection, she said:
"This is a fertilizer jack-ass. We made it to help fertilize our fields at the experimental stations. It doesn't need much food to produce enormous amounts of manure. It is a bio tech wonder. It has been missing for a week." Everyone present was astonished. "The President has one just like it," she added. Less astonishment.
A horse trailer was ordered to remove the jack-ass to Geneva.
Republicans are left wondering who among the Democrats was behind the ruse. Many were pointing at former Democratic chairman Bill Wood, but one savvy Republican claimed it was Clay Benedict (D-Cortland), who achieved considerable notice during the Democratic Primary.
Republicans who feel cheated by the Trojan jack-ass want their elephant back.
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Historic Swap of Assets (Part A)
History was made in Cortland County yesterday when the county's Democratic and Republican Committees agreed to swap mascots. Democrats took the elephant, and Republicans took the jack-ass. The animals were transferred at the county fairgrounds.
"It is symbolic of our peace and harmony over the past hundred years," said Elsie Ferro (R-Cortland). "We want voters to think of politics as entertainment."
"I voted against the swap," said Sandra Price (D-Virgil). "It's a health and sanitation issue to me. An elephant produces more--well, you know--"
Former Democratic Chairman William Wood said he supported the swap, and criticized Sandra Price, who is the new chairperson of the Democratic committee.
"Her concerns are gaseous and inflated. She has a sense of smell but she doesn't have a sense of humor."
Republican committee member Ron Rocco commented favorably.
"We got the best of the deal. Everybody knows it takes longer to clean up after an elephant than a jack-ass!"
(Quotes in this story are fictional and intended as satire. CC)
"It is symbolic of our peace and harmony over the past hundred years," said Elsie Ferro (R-Cortland). "We want voters to think of politics as entertainment."
"I voted against the swap," said Sandra Price (D-Virgil). "It's a health and sanitation issue to me. An elephant produces more--well, you know--"
Former Democratic Chairman William Wood said he supported the swap, and criticized Sandra Price, who is the new chairperson of the Democratic committee.
"Her concerns are gaseous and inflated. She has a sense of smell but she doesn't have a sense of humor."
Republican committee member Ron Rocco commented favorably.
"We got the best of the deal. Everybody knows it takes longer to clean up after an elephant than a jack-ass!"
(Quotes in this story are fictional and intended as satire. CC)
Monday, October 10, 2011
See the Watery Part of the World
In Moby Dick, Herman Melville opens the story with these famous lines:
"Call me Ishmael. Some years ago--never mind how long precisely--having little or no money in my purse, and nothing particular to interest me on shore, I thought I would sail about a little and see the watery part of the world. It is a way I have of driving off the spleen, and regulating the circulation. Whenever I find myself growing grim about the mouth; whenever it is damp, drizzly November in my soul; whenever I find myself involuntarily pausing before coffin warehouses, and bringing up the rear of every funeral I meet; and especially whenever my hypos get such an upper hand of me, that it requires a strong moral principle to prevent me from deliberately stepping into the street and methodically knocking people's hats off--then, I account it high time to get to sea as soon as I can. This is my substitute for pistol and ball. With a philosophical flourish Cato throws himself upon his sword; I quietly take to the ship. There is nothing surprising in this. If they but knew it, almost all men in their degree, some time or other, cherish very nearly the same feelings toward the ocean with me."
Several paragraphs later, Melville suggests that, if you go to sea, you should do it as a seaman, not as a passenger. But I'm too old for that. I'm too old for hauling lines, hoisting jib-sails, climbing a mast, furling or unfurling a top sheet, rigging a sail or friggin' in the riggin'.
Now, where's that Liberty Travel advertisement I saw in the Sunday newspaper? Here it is, right in front of my nose:
"Bermuda & Caribbean--includes 6-night cruise aboard Celebrity Cruises Summit. Features Cape Liberty, King's Wharf, St. Thomas, San Juan."
My imagination adds another item to the itinerary: "That great white whale, Moby Dick."
I think I'll telephone the travel agency and book a cruise. Want to join me?
"Call me Ishmael. Some years ago--never mind how long precisely--having little or no money in my purse, and nothing particular to interest me on shore, I thought I would sail about a little and see the watery part of the world. It is a way I have of driving off the spleen, and regulating the circulation. Whenever I find myself growing grim about the mouth; whenever it is damp, drizzly November in my soul; whenever I find myself involuntarily pausing before coffin warehouses, and bringing up the rear of every funeral I meet; and especially whenever my hypos get such an upper hand of me, that it requires a strong moral principle to prevent me from deliberately stepping into the street and methodically knocking people's hats off--then, I account it high time to get to sea as soon as I can. This is my substitute for pistol and ball. With a philosophical flourish Cato throws himself upon his sword; I quietly take to the ship. There is nothing surprising in this. If they but knew it, almost all men in their degree, some time or other, cherish very nearly the same feelings toward the ocean with me."
Several paragraphs later, Melville suggests that, if you go to sea, you should do it as a seaman, not as a passenger. But I'm too old for that. I'm too old for hauling lines, hoisting jib-sails, climbing a mast, furling or unfurling a top sheet, rigging a sail or friggin' in the riggin'.
Now, where's that Liberty Travel advertisement I saw in the Sunday newspaper? Here it is, right in front of my nose:
"Bermuda & Caribbean--includes 6-night cruise aboard Celebrity Cruises Summit. Features Cape Liberty, King's Wharf, St. Thomas, San Juan."
My imagination adds another item to the itinerary: "That great white whale, Moby Dick."
I think I'll telephone the travel agency and book a cruise. Want to join me?
Flasher Spotted Near Beaudry Park
Cortland police are investigating another reported sighting of an alleged serial flasher on Owego Street near Beaudry Park.
A woman told police that she saw an older man on Monday, about 1:45 P.M., standing on the sidewalk. He was wearing a Navy pea-jacket--nothing else. She said the man was between 65-75 years old, had a great big smile on his face, and was standing on the sidewalk facing the street. A police composite of the man suggests he is about 6' 1" tall and weighs 190 pounds. Police say the woman was driving from Virgil to Cortland when she saw the man expose himself.
"He was standing there as if he didn't have a worry in the world," she told police. "I remember that strange smile--and some other little things. I had my driver's window open. When he saw me look at him, he shouted, "I'm still the major of this city, I'm still the major--or something like that."
Police investigators are interviewing homeowners in the vicinity of the latest incident. One resident said that the police were looking for "an old guy who may have a mental problem and calls himself a major--or something like that."
"This isn't the first time we received a report of a flasher near Beaudry Park or along Owego Street," said Sgt. Lonely Pepper. "There have been several sightings since January 2010--shortly after we had the change in administration at City Hall and the former mayor retired. Our current mayor and the chief have put a high priority on catching this guy. All descriptions of this guy are a match. We believe it's the same person."
Police are investigating the incident and encourage anyone with information about the alleged flasher to make a report to city police.
Last year the county sheriff's department investigated a report of a flasher on Starr Road near the intersection of Owego Street. All other sightings have been reported in the city near Beaudry Park.
A woman told police that she saw an older man on Monday, about 1:45 P.M., standing on the sidewalk. He was wearing a Navy pea-jacket--nothing else. She said the man was between 65-75 years old, had a great big smile on his face, and was standing on the sidewalk facing the street. A police composite of the man suggests he is about 6' 1" tall and weighs 190 pounds. Police say the woman was driving from Virgil to Cortland when she saw the man expose himself.
"He was standing there as if he didn't have a worry in the world," she told police. "I remember that strange smile--and some other little things. I had my driver's window open. When he saw me look at him, he shouted, "I'm still the major of this city, I'm still the major--or something like that."
Police investigators are interviewing homeowners in the vicinity of the latest incident. One resident said that the police were looking for "an old guy who may have a mental problem and calls himself a major--or something like that."
"This isn't the first time we received a report of a flasher near Beaudry Park or along Owego Street," said Sgt. Lonely Pepper. "There have been several sightings since January 2010--shortly after we had the change in administration at City Hall and the former mayor retired. Our current mayor and the chief have put a high priority on catching this guy. All descriptions of this guy are a match. We believe it's the same person."
Police are investigating the incident and encourage anyone with information about the alleged flasher to make a report to city police.
Last year the county sheriff's department investigated a report of a flasher on Starr Road near the intersection of Owego Street. All other sightings have been reported in the city near Beaudry Park.
Mayor Susan Feiszli's Post-Primary Election Statement
I didn’t become involved in politics because I wanted to “give back to the community”. It was because I was frustrated by the lack of respect and felt intimidated by elected officials and city employees.
No apology or explanation was given nor did they feel like I was owed one. I ran for Alderman to be the voice for those in my Ward who couldn’t be heard.
During my term, I raised questions about how our government operated and was treated with disrespect by elected and appointed officials. I asked questions to employees who were told not to talk to me. Later I learned that they were in fear of losing their jobs if they spoke to me.
The Common Council was kept in the dark and nodded in agreement to answers of questions that didn’t make sense. The Comptrollers Report made that painfully aware to us last year by stating that we lacked oversight of governmental controls.
When I became Mayor, I learned why.
· Backdoor deals and handshakes ran our government. The wealthy had lower assessments while the rest of us made up for it by higher property taxes.
· The IDA/BDC worked with the Mayor and granted tax exempt status without Council approval.
· The Hospital worked with the Mayor and acquired properties like Monopoly, taking them off the tax rolls.
· The Hospital ignored illegal discharge from their groundwater into our Storm Sewer which ended up costing taxpayers hundreds of thousands of dollars to stop the flooding on West Main Street
· Department Budgets were unrealistic and misleading to the Council and public. We were told that department budgets were ”bare bones” and had to decide between raising taxes or eliminating a crossing guard. Period.
During that time-
· Employees were abusing City vehicles (that included an elected official’s son) on City time.
· Employees were going to Syracuse
· A former employee ran a pornographic site and sexually intimidated women co-workers.
· Favoritism was granted to certain Department Heads, excluding others breeding distrust and poor working relationships between departments
· Illegal “agreements” with employees outside of their union contracts were signed by former elected and/or appointed officials.
· Lifetime health insurance benefits with no co-pays for retired employees without Council approval driving costs up by millions of dollars.
· Total lack of oversight of vacations and sick time in some departments that led to extensive abuse.
· Yearly Independent Audits were never submitted to the Council which, if known, would have allowed them to correct the deficiencies.
· Health Insurance Cost for Employees continued to rise without looking at alternative, less expensive policies. Extensions were signed without Council approval.
· Labor negotiations were settled “in house”. This Council recently authorized an outside Labor Attorney to review these agreements. He told us he had never seen such generous and ridiculous agreements that cost taxpayers hundreds of thousands of unnecessary dollars.
· Lack of ANY policies or proceedures for car, computer, gas or cell phone use.
· Employees filled their personal vehicles with gas at the county garage, others took city vehicles home outside of the County, let alone the City.
· Cell phones were a “bonus” for those who didn’t need them and used for personal use.
· During the Comptrollers audit, computers were seized from illicit use.
· Student housing increased in R-1 neighborhoods by issuing illegal CZOs. Now these same landlords are crying that they are being treated “unfairly” trying to gain community sympathy while their assessments are half of other landlords not only with student housing but their personal business.
· Permits were issued on the backs of napkins and deals and contracts were signed with friends and businesses without Planning Commission, ZBA, or Council approval.
· Hard working employees were overlooked for promotion by those who “played” the game or were related to those in power.
My efforts these past two years to make government more accountable, consistent and responsible to the taxpayer has not been easy and cost me an election.
People told me they didn’t know how I kept it together during Council meetings. I knew that my opponent and former Corporation Council were meeting prior to Council meetings with the intentions of planned dysfunction and confusion which I believe was an intentional tactic to give the appearance of poor leadership.
My opponent who won in the Primary is not the same man I knew two years ago and has lost my respect. He has been “groomed” for many months by former elected and appointed officials to be the next Mayor and has taken advantage of people along the way, discarding them when no longer of use.
Emails and discussions have been provided to me that prove former Corporation Council, opponent and two other Councilmen operated behind the scenes to influence employees, other councilmen and chairs of commissions to not approve my appointments.
Even though he states that he wants to use the Comprehensive Plan as a guide for Zoning and Land-use, he repeatedly tried to stop my appointment of the woman who was hired by Thoma Development to write those very sections of the plan.
When running for re-election, my ads were negative. I was angry and worried because the person that you saw running against me was the person I used to know, not the person he had become.
My webpage http://susanforcortlandmayor.com/ shows what CAN be accomplished as an alderman.
If he had listed accomplishments, attended outside functions, workshops, meetings, or even taken care of issues in his own ward it would have been less offending.
If he hadn’t mislead the voters by self appointing himself as Chairman on two Committee that were never approved by Council it would not be so insulting.
If he had worked in a collaborative manner to move the City forward instead of fighting me every step of the way, I would back off gracefully.
His picture in the final ad with former Mayors explains everything and confirms what I’ve been saying.
Their campaigns were also financed by the same wealthy businessmen who I refused to give favors to.
Fighting City Hall is possible, especially if you are well known and have influence in the community, which include the Media and former Mayors who want business to go back as usual.
Mayor Susan Feiszli, Cortland
Saturday, October 8, 2011
War on Drugs
Political morons and justice department bureaucrats in our federal government are implementing a new phase of the war on drugs. They intend to prosecute "to the full extent of the law" legal medicinal marijuana store proprietors in California and other states.
The difficult lessons of history and a recent documentary by Ken Burns clearly demonstrate that prohibition doesn't work. But political morons and bureaucrats don't understand the lessons of history. Or they just don't care.
Are they looking for headlines to take the heat off failed policies on drug interception at the borders of this country?
It appears that the "war on drugs" has brought us war in Mexico and Columbia, and war on our city streets and in our homes. Children are often the victims. Drug territory is protected by drug gangs.
William Buckley, a conservative Republican, recommended legalization of marijuana in the years before his death. President Obama, a liberal Democrat, has authorized prosecution of marijuana sellers and users.
It does seem confusing.
In June, 2011, two unlikely Congressional allies, Reps. Ron Paul (R-Texas) and Barney Frank (D-Mass.) introduced H.R. 2306, a bill to repeal federal penalities for production, distribution, and possession of marijuana, leaving the states complete jurisdiction as they see fit. The federal government's role, under this bill, would be limited to preventing importation of marijuana into states that continue to ban it. The bill is modeled after the repeal of the 18th Amendment, which allowed states to establish their own rules governing alcohol.
Click on these links for more information on the federal crackdown:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/10/14/crackdown-medical-marijuana-california_n_1011780.html
http://news.yahoo.com/feds-raid-washington-state-medical-marijuana-dispensaries-044120807.html
Click on this link for a quick and entertaining short story by O. Henry, which describes a 1906 pharmacy in operation before the Harrison Act of 1914: http://www.literaturepage.com/read/thefourmillion-75.html
Click on this link for a short summary of Drug Prohibition: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prohibition_of_drugs
Click on this link for a surprise endorsement to legalize pot: http://www.nytimes.com/2012/03/08/us/pat-robertson-backs-legalizing-marijuana.html?_r=1&src=me&ref=general
The difficult lessons of history and a recent documentary by Ken Burns clearly demonstrate that prohibition doesn't work. But political morons and bureaucrats don't understand the lessons of history. Or they just don't care.
Are they looking for headlines to take the heat off failed policies on drug interception at the borders of this country?
It appears that the "war on drugs" has brought us war in Mexico and Columbia, and war on our city streets and in our homes. Children are often the victims. Drug territory is protected by drug gangs.
William Buckley, a conservative Republican, recommended legalization of marijuana in the years before his death. President Obama, a liberal Democrat, has authorized prosecution of marijuana sellers and users.
It does seem confusing.
In June, 2011, two unlikely Congressional allies, Reps. Ron Paul (R-Texas) and Barney Frank (D-Mass.) introduced H.R. 2306, a bill to repeal federal penalities for production, distribution, and possession of marijuana, leaving the states complete jurisdiction as they see fit. The federal government's role, under this bill, would be limited to preventing importation of marijuana into states that continue to ban it. The bill is modeled after the repeal of the 18th Amendment, which allowed states to establish their own rules governing alcohol.
Click on these links for more information on the federal crackdown:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/10/14/crackdown-medical-marijuana-california_n_1011780.html
http://news.yahoo.com/feds-raid-washington-state-medical-marijuana-dispensaries-044120807.html
Click on this link for a quick and entertaining short story by O. Henry, which describes a 1906 pharmacy in operation before the Harrison Act of 1914: http://www.literaturepage.com/read/thefourmillion-75.html
Click on this link for a short summary of Drug Prohibition: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prohibition_of_drugs
Click on this link for a surprise endorsement to legalize pot: http://www.nytimes.com/2012/03/08/us/pat-robertson-backs-legalizing-marijuana.html?_r=1&src=me&ref=general
Friday, October 7, 2011
Cortland Woman Visits St. Petersburg and Moscow
After the collapse of the Soviet Union, I visited Moscow and St. Petersburg and joined a diverse tour group. The object of my special interest was the world famous Hermitage Museum at St. Petersburg. I tried to absorb as much as I could in a few hours on tour. I returned the next day on my own free time.
It's easy to understand why the Hermitage is a World Heritage site. It is a treasure trove of valuable art and historic objects. Each enormous room is a unique spectacle of design and purpose. In a word--unforgettable.
I had a ticket to a Kirov Ballet and Opera performance of Glinka's "Rusian and Ludmila" at the Mariinsky Theatre. I sat in my designated seat among other foreign tourists, who were excited and talked too much. The Russians seated near us turned and looked at us disapprovingly. We understood, and shut up. That was before the music started.
Don't dare to speak after the show starts--you may be ejected by Russian audience members using the force of moral indignation! They will stare you and steer you to the exits!
It's not Broadway. The experience is like the solemn experience of church. Russians show respect for the conductor, orchestra and performers from the moment they enter a theatre. At the conclusion of a performance, polite reserve and subdued emotions break into loud and prolonged applause.
When I was in Moscow I went to the Bolshoi Theatre (before renovation) and watched a performance of Tchaikovsky's "Swan Lake." I noticed the same rapt attention by Russian audience members and the same disapproval of anyone, foreign or domestic, who spoke too much, coughed too much, or even whispered too much. Russians are truly serious about ballet and opera. It is not a pretence.
The Russian people I met at St. Petersburg were wonderful people. They dressed and looked like people who lived in upstate New York. Many wore leather jackets and coats.It was late March, and we had snow flurries often.
Cold cuts for breakfast were unexpected for this American, but I got used to them. Hard boiled eggs, some vegetables and fruits were available. I bought snacks at a curbside store near my hotel to augment the few and paltry meals which were part of the tour package.
On my last night in Moscow I wanted to photograph St. Basil's Cathedral in the Kremlin. Our Russian guide, a former policeman, objected. He was responsible for his tour group and didn't want to lose anyone. He knew that I didn't speak the language. He asked, "How do you intend to navigate the metro system?"
The metro station signs were written with the letters of the Cyrillic alphabet. I told him that I had studied the Cyrillic alphabet and knew how to translate to Roman or Western. He tested me, then said: "You can go--if you have a companion." A Mexican tourist, a polite and interesting young man, volunteered to go with me. He wanted to photograph St. Basil's too.
The metro runs deep underground. It has world-class tile art at the stations.
It was dark when we arrived at the Kremlin. We walked to the area around St. Basil's Cathedral, which was lighted and beautiful at night. We snapped several photos. Then we returned to the hotel.
I had the negatives developed when I arrived home. One of the prints is framed and hanging in my house. It reminds me of this wonderful and interesting trip every time I see it.
It's easy to understand why the Hermitage is a World Heritage site. It is a treasure trove of valuable art and historic objects. Each enormous room is a unique spectacle of design and purpose. In a word--unforgettable.
I had a ticket to a Kirov Ballet and Opera performance of Glinka's "Rusian and Ludmila" at the Mariinsky Theatre. I sat in my designated seat among other foreign tourists, who were excited and talked too much. The Russians seated near us turned and looked at us disapprovingly. We understood, and shut up. That was before the music started.
Don't dare to speak after the show starts--you may be ejected by Russian audience members using the force of moral indignation! They will stare you and steer you to the exits!
It's not Broadway. The experience is like the solemn experience of church. Russians show respect for the conductor, orchestra and performers from the moment they enter a theatre. At the conclusion of a performance, polite reserve and subdued emotions break into loud and prolonged applause.
When I was in Moscow I went to the Bolshoi Theatre (before renovation) and watched a performance of Tchaikovsky's "Swan Lake." I noticed the same rapt attention by Russian audience members and the same disapproval of anyone, foreign or domestic, who spoke too much, coughed too much, or even whispered too much. Russians are truly serious about ballet and opera. It is not a pretence.
The Russian people I met at St. Petersburg were wonderful people. They dressed and looked like people who lived in upstate New York. Many wore leather jackets and coats.It was late March, and we had snow flurries often.
Cold cuts for breakfast were unexpected for this American, but I got used to them. Hard boiled eggs, some vegetables and fruits were available. I bought snacks at a curbside store near my hotel to augment the few and paltry meals which were part of the tour package.
On my last night in Moscow I wanted to photograph St. Basil's Cathedral in the Kremlin. Our Russian guide, a former policeman, objected. He was responsible for his tour group and didn't want to lose anyone. He knew that I didn't speak the language. He asked, "How do you intend to navigate the metro system?"
The metro station signs were written with the letters of the Cyrillic alphabet. I told him that I had studied the Cyrillic alphabet and knew how to translate to Roman or Western. He tested me, then said: "You can go--if you have a companion." A Mexican tourist, a polite and interesting young man, volunteered to go with me. He wanted to photograph St. Basil's too.
The metro runs deep underground. It has world-class tile art at the stations.
It was dark when we arrived at the Kremlin. We walked to the area around St. Basil's Cathedral, which was lighted and beautiful at night. We snapped several photos. Then we returned to the hotel.
I had the negatives developed when I arrived home. One of the prints is framed and hanging in my house. It reminds me of this wonderful and interesting trip every time I see it.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)