Complaints about the "Historic Swap of Assets" came pouring into Republican headquarters this morning. The complaints were not about the swap per se, but about the unexpected result, a disproportionate amount of manure manufactured by the jack-ass.
Disbelieving Republican committee members went to the county fairgrounds to see for themselves. They were amazed to see that the jack-ass had out-produced the elephant by a ratio of 2:1.
Phone calls were made to determine the pedigree of the jack-ass. One urgent phone call was made to Democratic Committee headquarters for an explanation. An unidentified person who answered refused to comment. (Laughter was heard in the background.) Several more phone calls were attempted--with the same result.
Meanwhile, a curious Republican found a very small ear tag on the right ear of the jack-ass: "NYS Agricultural Experiment Station, Geneva, N.Y. DEM02."
Cornell University was contacted. The school of agriculture sent an animal expert to identify the jack-ass. When the woman arrived at the county fairgrounds, she was immediately led to the tethered jack-ass. After a brief inspection, she said:
"This is a fertilizer jack-ass. We made it to help fertilize our fields at the experimental stations. It doesn't need much food to produce enormous amounts of manure. It is a bio tech wonder. It has been missing for a week." Everyone present was astonished. "The President has one just like it," she added. Less astonishment.
A horse trailer was ordered to remove the jack-ass to Geneva.
Republicans are left wondering who among the Democrats was behind the ruse. Many were pointing at former Democratic chairman Bill Wood, but one savvy Republican claimed it was Clay Benedict (D-Cortland), who achieved considerable notice during the Democratic Primary.
Republicans who feel cheated by the Trojan jack-ass want their elephant back.
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