Aliens Abduct Cortland Democrat Clay Benefit

      Alien Precursors abducted City of Cortland Democrat Clay Benefit late last night near the corner of Homer Avenue and Madison Avenue. A cloaked flying saucer hovered over the city as a trio of Precursors descended to earth and made the pinch. Precursors are hybrid Republican-Aliens.
      The Precursors took Benefit to Republican headquarters on Port Watson Street for interrogation. They grilled him for several hours, demanding answers about political mischief by Democrats aligned with the Woodster faction. Republican committee members cooked up the questions. They were present and recorded all questions and answers.
      An incomplete transcript follows. It was obtained from Victor Bahou's ghost, who still resides in the building.
      Precursor 1: "Was it your idea to misprint Democratic primary petitions?"
      Clay: "No."
      Precursor 2: "Was William Woode involved?
      Clay: "No."
      Precursor 3: "Does no mean yes?"
      Clay: "No."
      Precursor 1: "When you discovered the misprint--which made the form unacceptable to election commissioners--did you notify mayoral candidate Tobin?"
      Clay: "No."
      Precursor 2: "Who notified mayoral candidate Tobin?"
      Clay: "I don't know."
      Precursor 3: "When was mayoral candidate Tobin notified?"
      Clay (frazzled by rapid fire questions): "The day I told him--"
      Precursor 1: "Did you lie to Precursor 2?"
      Clay: "No."
      Precursor 2: "Why did you delay notifying Mayor Susan Feiszli, who had the same misprinted petitions for two months and was notified of the mistake with only eight days left to qualify?"
      Clay: "I thought she was notified."
      Precursor 3: "Who notified her?"
      Clay: "I don't know."
      Precursor 1: Having been notified several days after Tobin, Mayor Feiszli was at a clear disadvantage. Was that intentional?"
      Clay: "No."
      Precursor 2: "Are you planning any dirty tricks for Republicans?"
      Clay: "No."
      Precursor 3: "Does no mean yes?"
      Clay: "No."
      End of transcript.
      Before returning Democrat Clay Benefit to the place of abduction on Homer Avenue in the wee hours of morning, the Precursors brainwashed him and instructed him to send an email to all Cortland voters. His email endorsed Republicans Dan Quail and Tom Michales for reelection.
      When he was released, he was admonished to abandon any pretense that he was a Latter-Day Solon, or political reformer.