According to campus police, it was a Halloween prank that went awry.
Late last night near the Cortland Rural Cemetery, a female student was chased and bitten by her boyfriend, who was dressed in blue surgical clothing and wore a zombie mask.
"She didn't recognize him," said Lt. Herman Cain. "She told us that he shouted 'I'm gonna suck your brain out of your head' before he grabbed her and bit her on the neck. She ran to her dormitory and related the story to her roommates. They called police. We questioned her at the infirmary, where she received treatment."
Campus police say the girl's boyfriend voluntarily turned himself in. Vlad Volpe, age 20, a third year student of Socialist Paraphysics, admitted that he bit his girlfriend on the neck. "Just a love bite, " he said. "Happy Halloween."
Police arrested Volpe and booked him for felony assault, harassment, medical procedure without a license, and impersonating a medical professional or zombie. He was arraigned before city court Judge Judy Munster, who ordered a psychiatric examination for Volpe, and sent him to county jail.
"He is clearly a danger to society," said Judge Munster. "We will not tolerate ersatz zombies in the City of Cortland, except for licensed medical professionals, registered Republicans and registered Democrats. Next case."
"Flasher, your Honor."
"Bring him in."
"Sorry, your Honor, he escaped again. The police had him in custody until a few minutes ago, then he got away. He seems to know his way around City Hall."
"I want to speak to Sgt. Pepper. Next case."
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