Who Am I? (Number 6)

     Ever read or hear about Horse Cave Creek in Meigs County, Ohio? Locals know that place, and that's where I was born on June 24, 1842.
     It wasn't long before my family moved away from the place of my birth and resettled in Kosciusko County, Indiana. I attended high school at Warsaw, but left home and school at age fifteen to work for a small newspaper in Ohio.
     In 1861 I enlisted in the Union Army. I was commissioned First Lieutenant in 1862. I made detailed maps for the army. I fought at the battles of Shiloh and Kennesaw Mountain, where I was shot in the head by a Confederate sharpshooter. I survived, but that wound and my chronic asthma would continue to affect me until death. I was discharged from the army in January 1865.
     I resumed my military career in mid-1866 and inspected western military posts from Omaha to San Francisco. I resigned my commission in San Francisco and immediately began working in the newspaper trade for The San Francisco News Letter, The Argonaut, The Overland Monthly, The Californian, and The Wasp. After several years as a reporter, I became an editor and columnist.
     I married in 1871. My wife and I had three children. We moved to England in 1872 and I worked for FUN magazine. I also wrote a book entitled The Fiend's Delight. In 1875 my family and I returned to the United States and resumed life in San Francisco. I also resumed work in the newspaper trade. In 1887, I became a regular columnist for The San Francisco Examiner.
     Every now and then, when not preoccupied with a news story or editorial, I would jot down my unique definition of a word. Here are a few of those definitions:
     Novel, n. A short story padded.
     Bigot, n. One who is obstinately and zealously attached to an opinion that you do not entertain.
     Cynic, n. A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be. Hence the custom among the Scythians of plucking out the cynic's eyes to improve his vision.
     Conservative, n. A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal, who wishes to replace them with others.
     Diplomacy, n. The patriotic art of lying for one's country.
     Corporation, n. An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility.
     Centaur, n. ...The best of the lot was Chiron, who to the wisdom and virtues of the horse added the fleetness of man.
     Bride, n. A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
     Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage....
     April Fool, n. The March fool with another month added to his folly.
     Academe, n. An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught.
     Academy, n. [from academe] A modern school where football is taught.
     Liberty, n. One of imagination's most precious possessions.
     Religion, n. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.
     Magic, n. An art of converting superstition into coin. There are other arts serving the same high purpose, but the discreet lexicographer does not name them. 
     Saint, n. A dead sinner, revised and edited.
     Politics, n. A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.
     Idiot, n. A member of a large and powerful tribe whose influence in human affairs has always been dominant and controlling.
     Alone, adj. In bad company.
     My wife and I separated in 1888, and we were divorced in 1904. I was a bitter man before this happened, but I became more bitter about life and people after the separation. Among acquaintances, the word "bitter" was often attached to my surname.
     In 1891, I wrote a collection of short stories, including Chickamauga and An Occurrence At Owl Creek Bridge. In 1911, I wrote The Devil's Dictionary.
     William Randolf Hearst assigned me to a special muckraking project in 1896. I was sent to Washington, D.C. The Union Pacific and Central Pacific railroad companies, under Collis P. Huntington, were trying to escape repayment of $130 million owed to the United States government. Railroad lobbyists in Washington, D.C. were applying influence on members of Congress when I arrived. Mr. Huntington knew my mission was to expose his secretive influence peddling, and he confronted me on the steps of the Capitol and asked me to name my price.
     My reply to him was published in newspapers nationwide.
     "My price is one hundred and thirty million dollars. If, when you are ready to pay, I happen to be out of town, you may hand it over to the Treasurer of the United States."
     In October 1913, at age 71, I left Washington, D.C. to tour old Civil War battlefields. By December I was in Texas. I soon crossed the border at El Paso and proceeded into Mexico.
     Mexico was in a state of revolution. I joined Poncho Villa and his army as an observer, and I witnessed the battle of Tierra Blanca. I traveled with the army as far as Chihuahua, Villa's hometown.
     Then I, Ambrose Bierce, disappeared.