Is there a Zombie serving on Cortland's Common Council?
People are talking and rumors are flying. We heard that the alderperson in question is a man and that he is a Republican. We at the Cortland Contrarian would like to know more.
In an effort to discover the truth, we are asking the public to observe and study all public utterances and actions of alderpersons.
Look closely at the subject. Are his movements slow and hesitating? Do his eyes appear vacuous, expressionless? Is his complexion pale? Does he have a weak odor of decomposing flesh? Have the other uninfected alderpersons recently expressed concern about this person's health?
Has he been seen at the Blue Frog Coffee Cafe in the company of known zombies--professors, students and the like? Has he been seen lurking near the Cortland Rural Cemetery or funeral homes? Does he have a description of Brocca's brain on his city-issued Motorola tablet?
Does he use the word 'brain' frequently in conversation, often at inappropriate times? Does he dribble when he stares at you? Does he make you feel uneasy?
Does he say that fluoride in drinking water may damage the brain, or that sugar in soft drinks may cause hyperactivity to residents who live in nursing homes? Is his wife a public employee? (NIH studies indicate a darker side to the marital relationship.)
If this Zombie is identified with supporting facts, please leave a comment on this post.
Editor's note:
For tips on how to identify zombies in your neighborhood, please click and read:
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