1. Disallow all elected public officials from participation in the march downtown.
2. Increase number of marching bands. Invite Sgt. Pepper and his band to participate.
3. Herd real cows on Main Street, not cardboard cut-outs on wheels.
4. Crown Dairy Princess and promote Dairy Queen soft ice cream. Offer free samples of soft ice cream.
5. Introduce a cow that produces chocolate milk.
6. Provide taste sessions of free chocolate milk.
7. Horses and riders must be real. Outlaw rocking horses, hobbyhorses, seahorses, sawhorses and urban cowboys.
8. After the parade, invite elected public officials to clean the streets and sidewalks. Consider it an act of humility and penance. Also consider it out-of-character.
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