Sherwood Applies For A Real Job

     Writing a blog has its difficulties and rewards, and a good share of surprises.
     When our simian satirist Sherwood told us about his latest adventure, it was a surprise. It was also a confession of sorts.
     Apparently Sherwood was paging through Monday's edition of the Cortland Standard and he saw a "help wanted" advertisement in the daily newspaper. It was a large advertisement for a news reporter position, and it immediately appealed to Sherwood's ambition.
     At this point in the story we have another confession of sorts. Sherwood is not paid for his writing contributions to the Cortland Contrarian. We give him all the bananas he craves, we provide him with room and board, and we protect him from warrantless searches by police. He is on the lam, as readers of this blog already know. For those unfamiliar with Sherwood, read these posts: Has Anyone Seen Sherwood? dated October 1, 2011, Reporter Interviews Cortland Contrarian Editor dated November 13, 2011, and Sherwood's Photo Released dated April 7, 2012. (Click on highlighted titles to read posts.)
     It is understandable that Sherwood should attempt to elevate his lifestyle with a respectable paying job. He hasn't the money to purchase a vintage Chevrolet Corvette convertible that he selfishly covets. He also wants a house of his own. And he is looking for a mate and he must impress her with more than a tree-top flourish or cacophony of mating calls. Female chimps often demand security for love.
     Sherwood answered the Cortland Standard's "help wanted" advertisement with five samples of his best writing and a cover letter with his resume. It was on the basis of his five writing samples--none of which ever appeared in the Cortland Contrarian--that he was given an interview with publisher Kevin Howe.
     On the day set for his interview, Sherwood looked elegant. He was dressed casually and fashionably for summer weather--no tie. His red shoelaces were neatly tied.   
     He could frighten people who don't know him, but he has a wide smile, speaks fluent English--he has a way with words--and he simply disarms people who are suspicious of bow-legged, long-armed hairy chimps.
     Sherwood entered the historic brick building which is home to the Cortland Standard, introduced himself to the receptionist with his name and purpose for visit and was allowed to pass, and then he proceeded upstairs. At the top of the stairs, he spotted staff writer Scott Conroe, and Sherwood thought that Scott looked just like him except that Scott is very white and not nearly as hairy as Sherwood. Scott smiled back at Sherwood, as if he could read his thoughts.
     Kevin Howe may have been surprised when Sherwood walked into his office--the door was open--but the publisher greeted Sherwood with a hand shake and a friendly smile, and asked him to sit down. The discussion was businesslike but time-limited. The publisher noted that Sherwood was short on experience but that his writing samples were excellent.
     "You did write these, didn't you?" he asked.
     "I did, and all of them are my original work," Sherwood replied.
     At the conclusion of the interview, publisher Howe got up from his desk and walked Sherwood to the door.
     "Have you met Kevin Conlon or 'Skip' Chapman?" he inquired.
     "No," Sherwood answered.
     Publisher Howe then introduced Sherwood to the executive editor and the managing editor.
     "This is Sherwood," said Kevin Howe. "He has applied for a job as a writer."
     Both editors were preoccupied at a computer station in the news room. They glanced up and acknowledged Sherwood, then resumed their work.
     Sherwood wanted to share a little secret with the publisher and editors, that Sherwood was named after executive editor Sherwood "Skip" Chapman. But he wisely decided not to.
     Shaking hands again with Sherwood at the top of the stairs, publisher Howe said:
     "I need a few days to make a decision, Sherwood. If you are approved for the job, I will let you know within a week."
     Sherwood bounded down the stairs, walked briskly past the receptionist and exited the building at the corner of Tompkins Street and Main Street. He was optimistic.
     But as Sherwood explains it, he wasn't called or contacted for the job. He waited more than a week, and then he made his full confession to the editor of the Cortland Contrarian.
     He also wrote this confession--every word of it.

Editor's note:
We have increased the allotment of bananas to Sherwood and now he receives an allowance of five dollars each week. We love him and we want to keep him with us.
(This also was written by Sherwood.)
Watch Debbie Reynolds and Carlton Carpenter perform "Abba Dabba Honeymoon" at YouTube.
http://youtu.be/VJHJAkhacGU
    
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