A locally trained, English-speaking, well-groomed chimp went on a rampage at the County Office Building on Thursday afternoon. After the chimp's application for bananas and food stamps was refused, the angry chimp overturned chairs and computer equipment in the Social Services Department. County workers ran for the exits. The chimp then went into hiding.
County police officers scoured the building looking for the elusive chimp. After a thorough but fruitless two-hour search, the sheriff announced that the chimp was not in the building.
"I believe the chimp has escaped," he said, obviously disappointed.
The search was called off and county workers returned to the building.
The elusive chimp, meanwhile, was hiding above a toilet in the men's room on the third floor.
About 5:30 P.M., as county legislators arrived for a regularly scheduled meeting on the third floor, Legislature Chairman Jack. B. Nimble entered the men's room. He was attacked by the chimp and knocked out. The chimp then took Jack's clothes, eyeglasses and big shoes, and put them on. Looking in a mirror, satisfied with his appearance, the chimp left the men's room and entered the legislature's chamber at exactly 6:00 P.M. The chimp sat in the chairman's seat and called the meeting to order.
Several of the legislators commented on Jack's changed appearance. One or two whispered that Jack "forgot to shave, and his sleeves were too short for his arms." Others said they "didn't notice anything out of the ordinary."
The meeting progressed. Resolutions were made and accepted, memoranda read, reports taken and filed. At the close of the session, one legislator commented, "Jack doesn't look well. His voice is a little gruff. But it was the most productive meeting I ever attended." The impostor chimp and legislators left the building together, and the chimp was last seen crossing the street.
The following morning county workers found the real Jack B. Nimble, in his underwear, sound asleep on the rest room floor. They woke him. He yawned and said, "I guess I missed the meeting."
"No," a county worker replied. "A YNY TV reporter said you conducted the best and most productive meeting in the history of the county legislature."
In borrowed clothing, a slightly confused but otherwise healthy Jack B. Nimble walked out of the building, got in his car, and drove home.
County police found the chimp's nameplate, with the inscription "Sherwood," on the floor of the men's room. Police are currently looking for the elusive chimp and his owner in the City of Cortland.
Has anybody seen Sherwood?
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