Could a Zombie Theme Park Bring Cortland Back to Life?

     Could a Zombie Theme Park bring Cortland back to life? 
     The idea was suggested by a group of Cortland landlords and businessmen who are also behind a proposal for a public parking garage. Speaking on behalf of the Landlord Investment Group, Ltd., George Tweeny gave the following statement:
     "This is the right project at the right time for Cortland. It will fit nicely with our proposed parking garage and the Gateway Project. We want to build a Zombie Theme Park at the Pendleton Street property which the city recently acquired.
     "At the heart of the new theme park is a unique game of seek-and-rip. Park-goers and zombie actors will be given stick-on patches. The object of the game is to rip off the patches from opposing players. Patchless zombies are eliminated, and park-goers who have their patches removed become volunteer zombies. We intend to convert the current warehouse into a zombie apocalypse aftermath set--complete with special video and audio effects. Several more warehouses similarly equipped will be built on the property.
     "Our proposal has been shown to the mayor and city council, and we have it before the IDA, city planning and zoning boards, and the county health department.
     "As for employment at the theme park, zombie actors will be recruited from Cortland's current stock of recovering meth addicts and pot heads. The theme park will provide former drug users with honest employment at minimum wage, and hopefully relieve the strain on county and state social services.
     "We have talked to some of these recovering addicts, and they are enthusiastic about employment prospects. They tell us that playing the undead role of a zombie will be a life enhancing experience. They say it will be fun.
     "A Zombie Theme Park will be great fun for everybody. It will stimulate the local economy. It will restore Cortland to its former greatness."