ABLE STORYTELLER

The Cortland Democrat, Friday, July 29, 1887.

An Able Storyteller.

   "Speakiing about hot weather," remarked Editor Clark the other day to Deak Smith, the affidavit-maker of the Standard, "when I lived up in the 'peppermint district' in Wayne county we had a hot wave that discounted anything you ever saw."

   "Is that so," said Deak. "Well, if it is an improvement on the legend you drew up for me to swear to a few weeks ago regarding the circulation of the Standard give us the story."

   "That was a pretty good yarn," answered Clark "but the Wayne county story beats it. On the 23 day of July the year before I came to Cortland, there wasn't a thermometer that could stand the heat. No, it busted every one of them and the mercury boiled over the top and spilled itself all over the ground. But this wasn't the worst of it, the mercury was so hot that it set fire to the earth and if it hadn't been for a big snow storm that came up just in the nick of time, the end of the world would have come, and you wouldn't have been here to make affidavits for the Standard. Over twenty feet of snow fell in less time than it has taken me to tell the story and fortunately the flames were extinguished. I'll incorporate the substance of this in an affidavit as soon as I have time and you can swear to it, Deak."

   Deak is satisfied that Clark is an able storyteller.

HERE AND THERE.

   The Hayes Chair Company are putting up a 100 foot addition to their extensive works.

   A social party will be given at Vincent's Hotel in Cuyler, this evening. Music by Daniels' full orchestra. Bill $1.00.

   No paper in the county devotes so much space in lauding itself as does Clark's "official organ,'' and still it is not satisfied.

   Mail matter will hereafter be collected from the Main street boxes at 4 P. M., in time to go north on the 5 o'clock train.

   Mechanics’ Band, of this place, and the McGrawville Band, will join in an excursion to Sylvan Beach, August 6th. Fare for the round trip, $1.50.

   Six coaches were filled with excursionists from this place, bound for Pleasant Beach, on Wednesday morning. All who went report a very pleasant time.

   The colored citizens’ celebration of the Emancipation Proclamation will take place in this village, Aug. 11th. Great preparations are being made for the event.

   Hon. W. D. Tisdale has sold the electric light plant [generator equipment for village street lights—CC editor] in this village to the Hitchcock Manufacturing Company. The machinery is being placed in their foundry shops this week.

   A Cortland double blossom declares that the only true way for a wife to govern an unruly husband is by compromise or "will power," and not with a bootjack or a stovepoker.

   About 400 people went to Pleasant Beach, last Friday, on the excursion under the auspices of the Cortland Wagon Company's Mutual Aid. All who went report a pleasant time.

   Barnum's third advertising car was at the E. C. & N. depot in this village, Sunday and Monday. A dozen bill posters were putting up bills in this and adjoining towns, on Monday.

   A picked nine from the Hitchcock shops and a nine from Wickwire's shop played a game of ball on the fair grounds, last Saturday. The Wickwires scored 17 and the Hitchcocks 9.

   The suit of the village of Marathon against Mr. Bailey, of this village, to recover a penalty for a violation of the By-laws of the former, in selling tea without a license, was decided by Justice Adams, of Marathon, on Saturday last. The justice gave a judgment in favor of the plaintiff for $50. We understand the case will be appealed.

   Adam Forepaugh, of circus fame, has decided that he will discard window advertising henceforth. It has cost him $75 per day in the past, and he says in the future he will throw this amount into newspaper advertising, in addition to his regular amount set aside for that purpose. Adam is evidently a level headed man as well as an enterprising showman.

   The Standard claims that the DEMOCRAT discarded the supplement containing the laws two weeks ago when it measured up the type contained in both papers. Our esteemed brother knows that we did not measure the supplement. We simply took the two papers and measured the reading matter proper contained in both. The result showed that the DEMOCRAT contained over double the amount of reading matter contained in the Standard. Would the Standard be willing to pay its compositors according to its measurement? The fact that Brother Clark pays his compositors according to the measurement used by the DEMOCRAT is pretty good evidence that he regards this as the only correct and reliable measurement. Be consistent, brother Clark, and pay your compositors by the inch.  It would tickle the boys immensely.

   The new law in this State forbidding the wide-spread practice in branches of retail trade of making purchasers a present of some trifling article with every purchase went into effect July 1st. The grocery trade will be particularly affected.—Iron Age.

   There will be services in the Universalist church next Sunday, both morning and evening. Subject in the morning: "The Process of Salvation." In the evening, "Will the wicked burn good, burn out or burn forever." Seats free, and all are welcome.

   Dr. C. W. Sanders, leaves for the North Woods, on Saturday.

   Dr. C. W. Parker, has been spending some days at the Thousand Islands.

   Surrogates Clerk Irving B. Knickerbocker, spent last week with his parents in Cincinnatus.

Authorized to Arrest.

   At a meeting of the directors of the Cortland & Homer Horse R. R. Co., held July 22d, 1887, it was ordered that the conductors be authorized to arrest or cause to be arrested any person willfully and maliciously ringing the bells, handling the brake, jumping on and off of cars without paying fares when in motion, or otherwise.

By order of the Board,

S. E. Welch, Sec’y.

NEIGHBORING COUNTIES.

   TOMPKINS.—A firm near Ithaca picked 600 bushels of currants from four acres of bushes. The fruit was marketed in Philadelphia, good prices being obtained for it.

   The chair of Physics in Cornell University, left vacant by the resignation of Professor Anthony, has been filled by the promotion of Professor E. L. Nichols. The appointment of Raymond G. Smith, of New York city, as assistant professor of Rhetoric and Oratory has also been announced.

   Ithaca seems confident that something great will be the result of the test well being sunk at this place. The well is now down nearly 650 feet. Gas began arising from the well when at a depth of 500 feet and has since continued with increasing volume. Several times it has developed sufficient force to throw the water far above the top of the well. No lights are now allowed near the place of operation, for several times when the gas has become ignited, the fire has with difficulty been put out.