Tuesday, September 8, 2015

A CLOTHESLINE GEM



The Cortland Democrat, Friday, October 24, 1890.

TOWN REPORTS.
HARFORD MILLS.
   Our wise brothers, who have made our laws since the dawn of civilization, have very graciously conceded to petticoats the right to vote at school meetings. [The New York State legislature in 1880 allowed women to vote for school commissioners and school board members, and compete with men for elected school offices—CC editor.] Thank you, gentlemen, for this consideration.
   You can foist upon us for school commissioner any political puppet who will allow you to pull the wires for his jumping Jack contortions, and we are dumb. [Political parties consisting of men nominated school commissionersCC editor.] The drunkest slum foreigner, who cannot even read the name of the candidate upon the ballot that partisans thrust into his voting, filth-smeared hand, reels up to the polls, and decides this matter for us, and we are told to vote through our influence at home. Our dainty fingers must not be soiled in the pool of politics, and as this is Monday and my dainty fingers have done a washing for a family of ten, six of whom are voters and had overalls and pantaloons covered with what they termed political mire, though I shouldn't have known it from common ditch mud and vomit, but the thought struck me while washing it, that I was an ingrate not to acknowledge their courtesy in keeping me from the drudgery of lifting a ballot.
   Then too, when I was wading about in the rain hanging up those garments, my heated brow became sufficiently cooled by the torrent of rain that was pouring from the blackened depths of equinoctial clouds, to cogitate with clearness, and I henceforth lift my hat and bow my head to every male voter. Engrossed in patriotic thought, I caught myself gracefully bowing to the breeches on the line; for surely this is the signet of voting power.
   O, how my patriotism exulted at the thought, when shuffling across the lawn I beheld a voter; unmistakably a voter, clad in the unmistakable habiliments of a voter, viz: breeches, minus coat, hat and vest, who began eloquently haranguing the two-legged garments frantically kicking in the wind.
   Evidently the fellow was a politician of no mean calibre and the burden of his soul was school commissioners, and warning those pants not to risk the young idea learning how to shoot under a young inexperienced school commissioner—too young to know how to help book agents to saddle a set of text books upon the overburdened tax paying school patrons; text books whose only merit is to differ sufficiently from those already provided, to render it impossible to use the two; too young to know that the criterion of qualification for teachers should not be how competent; but where, where were you educated—for surely the Normal school should fling its protecting banner over all its fledglings, and that boyish Democratic nominee would know no more than to license according to qualification and a pretty muddle he would have of it. A dozen teachers haggling for the same school and instead of being able to demand ten dollars per week for 25 hours' labor in rural districts that average from three to five scholars, teachers might be obliged to content themselves with the same stipend counted into the honorable toiling hand of the hired girl as compensation for 100 hours hard labor by the week. I tell you, tax payers, your money has been poured out like water to educate these teachers at your free schools, and to give them free education at the Normal, and now will you withdraw your protection from them by saying through your ballot: you shall no longer thrust your grasping hands into our pockets and take therefrom ten dollars per week for teaching three seven year old babies.
   Exhausted by this flow of eloquence the voter reeled and fell; and at the present writing lies under the clothes line while the pantaloons wave like blackened banners above his slumbering form, while I, convinced by his logic, take up the burden where he lays it down, to say to the voters of Cortland county, beware how you vote for Charley Osborne for school commissioner. I have known him from childhood and can tell you he does not possess the first attribute of a politician, never having been drunk in his life, never patronized a liquor saloon nor a gambling hell; quiet, scholarly, select, by dint of his own efforts he has outstripped hundreds less intrepid and persevering; he stands outlined in the clear sunlight of honest, worthy, young manhood, an honor to the party who has made this wise selection, and a credit to the ticket that bears his name.
   THAT HEN. [pen name of correspondent.]

SCOTT.
   Mr. Kellogg, son of Theron Kellogg, is in town visiting relatives.
   Wallace Picket goes to New York city to see the sights this week.
   Edna Barber has commenced work in the woolen factory in Homer.
   A very little girl has come to winter with Mr. and Mrs. Paren Anthony.
   We learn that Eugene Camp, of New Hope, has come to grief from selling liquor illegally.
   Frank Jenks has returned from Ohio, where he has been for several mouths past dispensing music from the violin at a lively rate.
   Will J. Cottrell found an extra boy upon his premises recently. It resembled the rest of the children so much that he has concluded to bring it up as his own.
   Rev. F. H. Dickerson, of Union Valley, preached his first discourse at the M. E. church here last Sunday. We think he is well received. He will move his wife and other household goods this week.
   Election is near at hand but that does not cause all the excitement that exists. Some say that the women can vote for School Commissioner. Perhaps Mr. Crofoot had that idea and that might have been the reason of his interviewing so many of the women of our town. We cannot commend these interviews for they sometimes cause trouble.

FREETOWN.
   Singing school on Saturday night.
   Mr. George Hammond, of McGrawville, called on friends in town the past week.
   The W. C. T. U. will meet at Mrs. Joseph Underwood's on Saturday of the present week, to hear the report of the delegate who attended the State convention at Elmira.
   Again death has entered our community and an aged mother has passed away. Mrs. Harvey Bean, about eighty years old, has gone to her reward. The funeral will be held at East Freetown to-morrow at 12 o'clock. It can be truly said our loss is her eternal gain.

SOLON.
   When a couple returning home from a party wish to stop their horse and go to sleep, they should do so somewhere else except here in town.
   We will have a few street lamps in town. Two being placed in front of Miss Hathaway's and on the corner at the store which will be a great benefit these dark nights.

EAST HOMER.
   The board of registry was in session at Bennett Hall Saturday and 196 names were registered.
   Mr. John Beattie is on the sick list. Dr. Higgins, of Cortland, has been called to attend him.
   The great political meeting held here Tuesday evening of last week and addressed by the irrepressible Peck turned out to be a very slim affair, there being just 43 persons present by actual count. Mr. Peck in a laborious speech of over an hour told the faithful what legislation he had been the prime factor in accomplishing in the interest of the tax payers of the state and how much more he thought he would be able to do if he was returned to Albany this fall. There was no interest manifested during the speech and all seemed relieved at the close and thus endeth the first lesson.
   UNCLE SI. [pen name of correspondent.]

FRANK'S CORNERS.
   Voters have you registered?
   Will Cole, of Cortland, visited his parents on Sunday last.
   Dell Dann has commenced his school in the Ball district.
   Bouton Glazier, who has been critically ill with typhoid fever, is convalescent.
   The bridge that was washed away near Geo. Dane's is being replaced by a new iron one.
   Mrs. Susan Gee, who has been visiting relatives in Cortland for a few days, returned home on Monday.
   Charles Osborn, nominee for school commissioner, called on some of his political friends in this place one day last week.
   There is a positive law in this state compelling children to attend school. This law is violated in every school district. Parents and guardians look after this matter.
   The teachers' association convened at the Baptist church, Virgil, Saturday last. It was pronounced a grand success. The programme consisted of essays, orations, dialogues, discussions on school management, and principals of teaching. The officers elected for the ensuing year are, Bertha Givens, president; Geo. Munson, vice-president; Louise Ryan, secretary.
   UNCLE DICK. [pen name of correspondent.]


Recommended: Matilda Joslyn Gage and Women's Rights. http://www.matildajoslyngage.org/gage-home/womens-rights-room/
 

No comments:

Post a Comment