SHE WAS A WIDDER

Cortland Evening Standard, Friday, November 9, 1894.

SHE WAS A WIDDER.

AND JUMPIN JOE OF CHEROKEE HAD ONLY A PASSING INTEREST FOR HER.

After Much Elicitation She Tells Him the Sad Story How Her Husband Passed From This Vale of Tribulation Into a Better Land.

   I was movin along threw the Valley of Dispair with my Monster Compendium of Medical Compounds and Animal Intelligence, which the same consists of:

   One eddecated hog,

   One magic cement,

   One jumpin frog,

   One Cherokee sassypurilly,

   One exhibishun grasshopper,

   When I cums across a female seated on a bar'l in front of a sod shanty. She was smokin her pipe and seemin to reflect on the coldness of the world, and I removes my hat and bows low before her and sez:

   "Scuse me, marm, but I'm a sorrowin man and am willin to stop and sorer with ye. Mebbe the partner of yer joys has bin called to leave Cherokee?"

   "That's about straight," sez she as she removes her pipe to spit seven feet and hit my eddecated hog in the left eye.

   "Mebbe he didn't die of nateral sickness, if it won't be hurtin yer feelin's?"

   "Mebbe he didn't."

   "But it was more of a sudden call like? I might say that the summons cum like a thief in the night."

   "Yes, ye might say that. I think Abraham was properly surprised when the crowd rid up, though he didn't say much about it."

   "Then I take it that I am addressin a widder?"

   "Thar can't be no mistake about that, stranger."

  

   "Ye will scuse me, marm," sez I as I lays my hand on my heart and bows agin, "ye will please overlook it if I start yer grievin grief afresh, but aside from my reg'lar mishun I'm colleetin a few statistics to lay away in my archives. F'r instance, kin I infer from yer very proper English languidge that the critter referred to as Abraham died of throat disease?"

   "As fur as I could obsarve, the noose took in his hull neck," sez she, fillin up her pipe fur another smoke.

   "In other words, marm—in words which may cause the unbidden tears to start, though I hope they won't—a grand aggregashun of native populashun suddenly rid up to this spot?"

   "They suddenly did."

   "And arter holdin a sort of a caucus he was hung to that telegraph pole over thar?"

   "That's the pole, stranger."

   "And mebbe I might inquar, bein as we ar' on the subjeck of Abraham and nooses and telegraph poles, what the critter had bin a-doin to thus attract the enthoosiastic attenshun of the multitoode?

   "The multitoode was down on an ambishus man," sez she as she turns her gaze from my eddecated hog, who had sot down to rest hisself, to a fresh heap of sile a few rods away.

   "And, was it Abraham's ambishun to possess a better claim nor this?"

   "It was. He was so enthoosiastic and ambishus to possess the next claim to the north of us, together with the owner's hosses and wagon, and so forth, that he couldn't sleep o' nights. Abraham wasn't allus kind and luvin and tender as a husband, but the kuss had a proper ambishun fur which he should be praised."

   "And I'm thinkin that proper ambishun led him to walk over and do the jumpin act?"

   "That's the way of it."

   "And did that claim owner turn out to be a tenderfoot who could be skeert off with a hoot and a shot, and who ar' by this time 200 miles on his way back to Missoury or Arkansaw? Don't answer me if it will harrer up yer sorrowful feelin's to do so."

  

   "The trubble was," sez she as she heaves a sigh and gits down to scratch my eddecated hog on the back with a stick and tharby add to his happiness, "the trubble was that when the tenderfoot got skeert he run in tho wrong direckshun and brung up in the midst of a crowd which had no proper appreciashun of ambishun. He returned with 'em, and he was 'lowed to do most of the bossin."

   "And at the present minit yer Abraham is reposin under the sile over thar by the bresh?"

   "That's his reposin spot, stranger, and it's a spot of my own seleckshun. I must say fur the crowd that arter the performance was over they was cheerfully willin to make things pleasant fur me. Abraham was properly planted, properly kivered, and his epitaph was writ out fur me to put on the headboard later on."

   "And does that epitaph speak of his bein a man fur whom Cherokee society will mourn and refoose to be comforted?"

   "She do, or in words to that effeck. It refers to him as a lamb gathered to the fold, and thar won't be nuthin agin my addin that the aforesaid lamb was sunstruck while pursooin his gambolin way."

   "And about consolin ye, marm," sez I as I stirs up the hog and makes ready to pursoo my journey, "could I say any thin to make ye sort of feel that yer loss is Abraham's gain, and that the fucher may be full of the sunshine of happiness?"

   "I don't think so," sez she as she climbs back on the bar'l and cleans out the stem of her pipe with a spear of grass. "I'm a-tacklin this yere calamity alone, and I think I kin down her in a day or two more. If ye happens to meet with a climbin rose and it hain't too much trubble, ye might for'd it on to me to climb over Abraham's grave and thus combine beauty and convenience, but don't put yourself out. Thar hain't no sich skeercity of men out yere that a widder has got to sot and grieve and look at climbin rosebushes fur long."

   "I understands, marm, and hopin that No. 2 may hev jumpineer luck as he jumps a tenderfoot. I will now bid ye a fond adew."

   She reciprocated, and I passed on with my gigantic aggregashun and ruminated on the vanities of life in this world of sin and sorrer.

   AUSTIN KEENE. [pen name of?]

ABOUT THAT ROOSTER.

The Druggist Hadn't Changed Politics Though it Looked Like It.

   There is a druggist in Cortland who is very pronounced in his political views. He is not among those who celebrate to-night over Tuesday's [election] victory. He is himself something of a joker and enjoys a good joke even if it is at his own expense. Occasionally the boys put up a job on him which causes him to tear his hair and storm around in pretended wrath, though he is often chuckling inwardly.

   Yesterday two of his friends walked into the store and with a surprised look on their faces inquired, "Changed your politics, Gersh?" "No, why?" replied the druggist. "Oh, nothing," said the two.

   But "Gersh" wasn't satisfied and started on a tour of inspection of the store. Hanging upon the front of the prescription case was a large cut of a very lordly rooster with head thrown back and throat distended with a tremendous crow. "Gersh" gave one look at that rooster and giving utterance to a favorite ejaculation he went for that rooster like a game cock charging on a bantam. The rooster doesn't hang there now, but the boys had their laugh.

The Herald Has Twins.

   The Binghamton Herald now has twins. One is seen in the evening and the other was seen for the first time up on the morning of Nov. 7. The Evening Herald has long been one of the institutions of Binghamton. The Morning Herald is going to be one of the institutions. The Evening Herald has always been a newsy sheet and The Morning Herald gives promise of following in its footsteps. The Herald is the first newspaper company in a city the size of Binghamton in this or adjoining states that has attempted the publication of both a morning and evening edition. Success to both of them.

Yielded Up the Ghost.

   The Waverly Democrat, after sixteen weeks of life, has yielded up the ghost. It was a bright and clean paper, but there was not sufficient support for it. It requires a good deal of enterprise and nerve to start a paper in these days, to say nothing of financial backing. Money does not pour into the editor's sanctum the moment the first issue is put out. The bills come in with great regularity and must be met in some way, and until a paper has become well established with a good subscription list and fair advertising patronage there can be no hope that receipts will equal the bills.

VIRGIL.

   VIRGIL, NOV. 7.—The schoolhouse in Dist. No. 14 is draped in mourning on account of the death of Nellie Ballard, aged 12 years, which occurred at Mr. Clinton Frances', Oct. 30. The funeral was largely attended at Mr. Francis' Nov. 2. Rev. C. E. Hamilton of the Homer-ave. M. E. church, Cortland, and Undertaker Sweet of Dryden were in charge. Interment in Green Hill cemetery at Dryden.

   Deceased was the daughter of Mr. E. Ballard of Dryden and came to Mr. Francis' to go to school, but had been here but a short time, when stricken with typhoid fever. It is seldom that any one in so short a time endears themselves to all with whom they come in contact as to receive such praise as is bestowed upon her by Mr. and Mrs. Francis, her teacher, Miss Jennie Watrous, and the entire school who attended the funeral in a body and also furnished a beautiful floral piece. Messrs. Lawrence Bristol, Charles Cummings, Minard Penoyer and Willis Hammond acted as bearers.

   The relatives of Mr. and Mrs. W. C. Chrisman invited themselves to pay them a visit on Oct, 26 and help them celebrate the fifteenth anniversary of their marriage, bringing with them a bountiful dinner and two beautiful and costly chairs, a combination spoon and other gifts. After the dinner Dr. S. W. Adamy presented the presents in a neat and appropriate speech, which was responded to by Mr. Chrisman. Those present were Mr. S. W. Adamy of Broome Co., Mr. and Mrs. Isaac Edgcomb, Mrs. R. M. Price, Miss Mary Oday, Mrs. Elisha Ryan, Mr. and Mrs. Augustus Ryan, Master Claude and Gertrude Ryan of Cortland, Mr. and Mrs. W. R. Stacy of Harford, Mr. and Mrs. Malden Spencer of Killawog, Mr. and Mrs. Wayland Spencer of Blodgett Mills, Mr. and Mrs. Vinell Rease, Mr. and Mrs. Josiah Chrisman, Mr. and Mrs. Lewis Chrisman, Mr. and Mrs. Frank Chrisman, Mrs. Eaton Chrisman, Mrs. Myron Hammond, Mr. and Mrs. Dan Hammond of Virgil. The day closed by prayer offered by Isaac Edgcomb and all uniting in singing "Blest Be the Tie That Binds " The guests departed leaving Mr. and Mrs. Chrisman to think that certainly they were held in remembrance by their friends.

    The revival services at Babcock Hollow are continued in charge of Rev. Mr. Dayton. Over forty conversions are reported.

   Mrs. A. F. Kent of Binghamton and Mrs. Philo Camp of Victory visited at Dr. Bruce's last week.

   Rev. Mr. Reeves at the M. E. church had a full house on Sunday morning. The old plan of paying the pastor by apportionment of its membership has been abandoned by the society and the envelope system will be used, paying weekly or monthly. Those who have subscribed show a marked increase over former payments. The society are making an effort to increase the salary and bring the charge up where it should be, among the best, and ask the people to come and give Mr. Reeves a hearing and if they like him as a preacher and are satisfied with the treatment received from the church give the society the benefit of their presence and assist them in their effort. The pastor will hold a children's meeting every Saturday afternoon and would like to have the boys and girls attend.

   On Friday, Nov. 2, Mr. and Mrs. William Reas gathered their children and grandchildren at their home in the village to celebrate the seventy-third birthday of the father. The families present were Mr. and Mrs. John Reas and daughter Myrtie of Ithaca, Mr. and Mrs. C. V. Rease of Virgil, Mr. and Mrs. W. F. Reas of Dryden, Mr. and Mrs. John Warwick of Cortland, Mr. and Mrs. Win. Colwell of Cortland, Master Fred Reas of Virgil and Masters Claude and Karl Reas [sic] of Dryden. The day was very pleasantly spent by the children under the parental roof and they departed, leaving with their parents many valuable and substantial tokens of their love. Mr. and Mrs. Reas, although well along in life's journey, are spending the years very pleasantly.

   On Sunday morning Mr. William Stevens sent us a twig cut from one of his apple trees which had on it a number of new leaves and perfectly formed blossoms.

   Mr. Aaron Overton is sick with bilious fever.

   Mr. Henry Curtis has purchased the Salmon Curtis farm.

   Willis Foster has purchased the Mrs. Herman place in this village.

   The new schoolhouse in the State Road district is completed and accepted, the district giving the contractor, Mr. William Overton, the credit of using good material and doing excellent work.

   Mr. James Davern has traded his farm on South Hill for property in Homer.

   The Robbins Concert Co. will give a concert at Crain's hall Saturday evening, Nov. 10. Admission ten cents. All are invited to come and listen to the music and get a present.

ELM STUMP.

   ELM STUMP, NOV. 7.—Rev. E. C. Underwood of Tracey Creek will occupy the pulpit next Sunday both morning and evening.

   Quarterly meeting service will be observed here on Saturday and Sunday, Nov. 17 and 18. It is expected that Presiding Elder W. W. Wellington of Otisco will be present to administer the sacrament of the Lord's Supper.

   Mr. Harvey Yager has sold his farm here to Mr. Charles Stoddard of Cortland. Possession was given immediately.

   Mrs. Juline Hicks and daughter Ethel, and Mrs. Vincent Hicks and daughter Hattie of Groton were guests of their sister, Mrs. C. L. Judd, last Tuesday and Wednesday.

An Apology.

   The eighth page of The STANDARD containing a large share of the local news [Brevities] of the day was pied this afternoon just before the forms were sent down to the pressroom. We offer this apology to our readers for the lack of local news to-day and we apologize to our advertisers in general for the fact that their advertisements do not appear.