Three-legged Mouse Story

     "She was mad as hell. She was so angry she threw her winter boots at me. The first one hit me in the head. I ducked when she threw the other one."
     "Why'd she do it, Sam?"
     "Well, it was all on account of a mouse, a little field mouse, George."
     "A mouse? She got mad at you over a mouse?"
     "You bet she did. You see, I found this field mouse in the glove box of our pickup truck. It was eatin' some Burger King napkins stuffed there and it took some bites of the truck registration form too. When I opened the glove box, it scrambled and squeezed through a small crack and went into the engine compartment. Its tail stuck out for a moment--I got a piece of it."
     "I don't understand--"
     "Patience, George. Give me time to explain it. I looked for that mouse under the hood but never found it. So I sez to myself, I'll set a mouse trap in the glove box. And that I did."
     "Then what?"
     "Well, I darn near forgot about it 'til my wife drove the truck to the grocery store and back. She must of put her hand in the glove compartment, 'cause when she threw those winter boots one of her fingers had the mouse trap on it. Guess I forgot to tell her."
     "Guess she aimed to restore your memory."
     "I reckon. Now that you got me telling about it, her boot hittin' me in the head seems to have jarred free some long-ago memory about a mouse even stranger than that one."
     "Sam, we meet here in this diner every Wednesday morning for coffee, toast, ham and eggs, and you are always wearing that same old coat, watch cap and barn boots. Don't you have another coat?"
     "Do you want to hear a true story about a mouse with three legs?"
     "You gonna pull my tail again, Sam?"
     "God's honest truth, no need to lie to an old friend that knows me like a book. By the way, you never change your coat either."
     "Must be 'cause we're gettin' old, Sam. Go ahead, tell me about the mouse with three legs. I'm all ears."
     "Well, I intend to, if you don't mind hearing somethin' mighty unusual and odd--"
     "Go ahead--"
     "Well, my wife and I was sittin' in the living room one evening--this was years ago, we was youngsters--and the TV was the only light in the room. I hear this noise, and it wasn't the TV 'cause we had the sound turned off. We was gettin' ready for whoopee. It was a light-footed noise, something running across the floor, tap-tap-tap-tap. I got up from my chair and turned the light on. My wife screamed. It was a little mouse, and it was almost to the kitchen when it turned and ran to the coat closet off the living room. My wife said she'd never go in that closet again until I got rid of the mouse. So I set a trap that night. We heard it snap three nights later."
     "Did you catch it?"
     "Sort of--I mean, I got part of it--a leg. The rest of the mouse got away."
     "Where'd it go?"
     "Don't know. I don't know how it got in the closet in the first place."
     "End of story, Sam?"
     "Nope. That's just the beginnin'. Let me tell you, that was one brave and determined little mouse. Make a human look like a cry baby for complainin' about no shoes. I guess it got hungry, 'cause it come out early one night--we was watchin' TV and my wife was gettin' ready to bake an apple pie--we heard it walk across the living room floor again. This time it sounded different. The rhythm was changed. Instead of tap-tap-tap-tap, it was tap-tap-tap-kerplonk. We could tell right away it was the mouse with three legs."
     "What happened next?"
     "Well, I got up from my chair and went into the kitchen. My wife stayed in the living room. I looked around but the mouse had disappeared. I looked beneath the sink and didn't see it. Then I pulled out the bottom cabinet drawer beside the sink. There it was, as cute and self-absorbed as any mouse you ever saw, gnawing at a near empty bag of popcorn kernels. Let me tell you, that was a fat little mouse. I shut the drawer quickly and went for my toolbox."
     "Tool box?"
     "Yes, George, tool box. I got a hammer. I went back to that drawer and reopened it. The mouse was still there. Don't know how many times it ate there before I found it but that bag of popcorn kernels was near empty. The mouse jumped on top of a can of peas when it saw me the second time. I swung the hammer--"
     "Ha! I guess you nailed it?"
     "No, George, I missed it. I got the can of peas, though. Broke the lid and half-crushed the can. Splashed up to my face. What a mess! The mouse jumped--it was a front leg that was broke off--and it disappeared under the stove. I looked under the stove with a flashlight but didn't see it."
     "Where was your wife?"
     "She was right there. She saw everything. She was scared. She screamed once or twice, that's all I remember. She didn't care about the injured can of peas or the mess I made, even though she was a vegetarian. She said I was a damn fool for lettin' the mouse get away. The stove was on preheat, but she said she wasn't gonna bake no apple pie with a fat little mouse runnin' around the kitchen."
     "End of story, Sam?"
     "No, George, it ain't. Not by a long shot. My wife and I went back to the living room and sat down. We was watchin' a movie, The Sun Also Rises. There was a bullfight going on. There was matador music. But my wife wasn't interested. She nagged and ragged for over ten minutes. No whoopee tonight, I thought. Maybe I'll go back and look for the mouse under the stove, I told her. She said that was a good idea, why didn't I think of it ten minutes ago."
     "Guess the mouse got away, Sam?"
     "Wrong again, George. I was upset with the scoldin' and all--when all of a sudden my wife and I hear this loud poppin' noise in the kitchen. It was a sound that was familiar. We got up and went to the kitchen. The noise continued and it came from the stove. I guess we stood there over a minute, wonderin' what the hell was happenin'. When the poppin' noise stopped, I pulled open the stove door and a whole bunch of pink and grey colored popcorn come spillin' out on the floor. My wife screamed 'There's mouse fur in it, Sam.' We was both surprised, I tell you honestly."
     "The mouse exploded? You expect me to believe that?"
     "I may stretch the truth a little but I never tell a lie. The odd thing about it was, when I looked back in the living room, the TV movie showed that Spanish matador Pedro Romero receivin' an award of one or two ears from a bull he just killed.  The matador music was still playin' too. You know, I got an award at the same time. I counted two ears, a tail, and three legs on the floor."
     "Pardon me, but that sounds like real bull. That must be end of story, Sam?"
     "There's more, George. After I cleaned up the mess and cleaned myself, I got another award--or rather reward--that night. My wife stopped naggin' me about the mouse and she got real sweet and friendly with me. Guess she wasn't scared anymore. Called me her matador and her hero. Said I was the handsomest man in the world. When we got to bed, we had some wild whoopee the rest of the night."
     "Sam, I've known you and your wife for years. I'd believe the mouse stories before I believed that damn lie. Check, please."
    
   
   

STATE BOARD OF CHARITIES, CONTRACT LET, WHITE AND BLACK MARRY, AND THREE-LEGGED DUCK

 

Cortland Evening Standard, Thursday, July 13, 1899.

STATE BOARD OF CHARITIES.

Necessary Changes and Improvements in the Various Almshouses.

   ALBANY, July 13.—It was shown at the meeting of the state board of charities that the inspection of the almshouses throughout the state revealed a lack of proper protection in  the line of fire escapes and apparatus  for those institutions.

   The board approved the plans and specifications for the grounds, new dormitory buildings, and hot house at the Craig colony; also for a number of other institutions.

   A report from the board's committee on almshouses showed the necessity of changes and improvements in the following almshouses: Blackwell's Island, New York county, Herkimer, Washington, Saratoga, Schenectady, Montgomery, Orleans, Niagara, Genesee, Wyoming, Erie, Chautauqua, Cattaraugus, Alleghany, Yates, Chemung, Steuben, Monroe and Ontario counties.

   The report was accepted and the secretary was directed to send a copy of the inspector's report with relation to each almshouse mentioned in the committee's report as containing evils, abuses or defects to be corrected to the chairman of the board of supervisors and the superintendent of the poor of the respective county, calling their attention to the same with a request that it be remedied as soon as possible.

 

New Telephone Company.

   ALBANY, July 13.—The Citizens' Telephone company of Watertown filed articles of incorporation with the secretary of state. Its capitalization is $50,000, and the general route is in and through the streets of Watertown and Jefferson county. The directors are: S. C. Sherman, S. F. Bagg, Robert J. Buck of Watertown, Robert Bliss, Howard Gallup, Robert S. Monroe, James K. Whitaker of New York city.

 

Still an Alaskan Boundary Dispute.

   WASHINGTON, July 13.—No advance has been made during the past few days towards the arrangement of a modus vivendi fixing temporarily the Alaskan boundary line. As it is now realized that owing to the failure of the government of the United States and Great Britain to settle by direct negotiation the Alaskan boundary question, the joint high commission could not proceed with its work even if it should meet Aug. 2, [and] steps must be taken to vacate the order.

 

THE CONTRACT LET

For Plumbing and Steam Heating in Schermerhorn-st. School.

   The board of education has let the contract for plumbing and steam heating apparatus to be put into the Schermerhorn-st. school before the close of this vacation. The former was awarded to L. R. Lewis and the latter to Cramer & Hollister.

   At the outset the board of education requested all those firms which purposed to put in bids to submit plans of what according to their ideas would be the very best designs for plumbing and steam fitting as adapted to that school building. Three sets of designs were submitted by Cortland parties and one by a Syracuse firm. Mr. H. E. Phelps made the plans for Buck & Lane and after a very careful and searching examination by the committee having the work in charge his plans on both plumbing and steam fitting were decided to be the most satisfactory. These plans and their specifications were then made in duplicate and submitted to all the bidders with the statement that they had been adopted and the request that they put in bids on them. It seems almost unfortunate that while Mr. Phelps' plans were declared the best his firm could not get its figures down low enough to secure either contract, but the compliment to Mr. Phelps' designs is none the less marked in any case, and it may be added that among the local bidders there was only $20 difference between the maximum and the minimum on steam heating, and only $5 difference on plumbing.

 

POLITICAL EQUALITY CLUB.

Outline of What the Organization is Aiming to Accomplish.

   The Political Equality club will meet at the home of Mrs. Hattie E. Mudge, 5 River-st., Monday, July 17, at 3 P. M. Subject, "How the People Govern." All are invited to come in.

   The meetings are interesting and well attended. The subject of the last one was "Our Work," in which the duties of voters were set forth. It is highly advisable that voters should attend the caucus or primary, that a course of civil government should be pursued and a fair comprehension of the great questions of the day obtained. Since women have given practical proof of their capacity to aid in purifying politics in the large cities of New York, Brooklyn and Philadelphia, men who are loyal to the public welfare welcome such assistance. Not only should women care to secure the ballot but to make themselves worthy to use it intelligently. F. H. MUDGE, Cor. Sec.

 

Contract for Real Estate.

   H. C. Johnson has made a contract with Rev. G. H. Brigham for the purchase of his house and lot on Prospect-st. Mr. Brigham retains possession till fall, though Mr. Johnson is now moving his furniture into a few rooms in the house for storage. The consideration is not made public.

 

Picnic at Tully To-morrow.

   Presbyterian picnic at Tully lake to-morrow. Train leaves at 9:20 A. M. Return can be made at 6:13 P. M., or at 11:25 P. M. Tickets 30 and 15 cents. Ball game between married and single men. Plenty of boats, swings, shade, etc.

 

POLICE COURT.

Three Fresh Boys Surprised by the Sheriff—Girls Discharged.

   The two Ithaca girls who were arrested Sunday night and have since been in jail were discharged this afternoon, and were allowed to go home in company with a friend who came up for them.

   The girls were kept in the east corridor of the jail, and the east side of the jail has been quite attractive to a certain class of Cortland's youths and yesterday three of them were greatly surprised by being arrested by Sheriff Brainard under a section of the code charging them with conveying information to prisoners. They were arraigned before Police Justice Davis, who gave them a severe reprimand, discharged them and held the case open.

   Sheriff Brainard went over to the park last night and arrested a gypsy woman on a warrant charging her with wrongfully taking a dress waist from a Railroad-st. lady whose fortune she had told. The waist was returned, and the matter discontinued, a misunderstanding evidently existing as to the ownership of the garment.

   Robert Graham was before the police justice this morning on complaint of his wife who asked that he be placed under bonds to keep the peace. This action was the result of a difference of opinion Monday night when it is said the defendant brandished a firearm. Bonds were fixed in the amount of $800, and in default the defendant went to jail.

 

The Marathon Station.

   The changes to be made at the Marathon depot are now well under way. The waitingroom [sic] will be enlarged by taking out the present office, which will be moved back. City water will be placed in the building, and a drinking fountain and toiletrooms [sic] for both sexes will be added. A large force of men are at work.—Marathon Independent.

 

White and Black Marry.

   Another intermarriage of the colored and white race took place here, says the Syracuse Herald, on Monday, when the Rev. William P. Lawrence of the Bethany Baptist church united Charles Saulpaugh and Emma Rockwell, both of Cortland. Saulpaugh is a white man and 60 years old. His bride is twenty years younger and is colored. William and Sarah Lincoln were the witnesses to the marriage, which took place at 608 East Washington-st.

 

BENEFIT ENTERTAINMENT.

A Large Crowd at South Cortland Last Night—Enjoyable Time.

   For a number of months Rev. John T. Stone, pastor of the Presbyterian church, has been going to South Cortland about every two weeks to preach at the church there on Friday nights. This has been done without salary or remuneration, and the people of that locality decided that they would like to make a little return for the service rendered them. Accordingly a benefit entertainment was planned for last night at Grange hall and all were invited to attend and to partake of cake and ice cream.

   At the appointed time the friends came out so numerously that the capacity of the hall was found to be inadequate and an adjournment was taken to the church across the street. About 250 were present, including some forty people from Cortland who went down, quite to the surprise of Mr. Stone himself as well as of the promoters of the plan.

   A pleasant program was rendered in the church which included recitations, vocal music and several selections upon Mr. Ridgeway Rowley's phonograph. A social time followed which proved very enjoyable for all. There was only one hitch in the whole program.

   The South Cortland church is arranged Quaker fashion so that the ladies sit on one side of a line of division and the men on the other. Last night T. H. Wickwire and H. D. Call of Cortland claimed they didn't know about this and got in on the ladies' side. The program began and no amount of motioning and signaling on the part of their envious associates could get them out of there. They claimed it was a mistake in going in that door, but there are those who think this is hard to believe.

   Cake and ice cream were served in Grange hall, nominally at 10 cents a dish but no one took any change and the receipts amounted to a considerable sum. O. C Smith had a $5 bill which he said he was commissioned by a Cortland party who couldn't go to pay for a single dish of cream, and this of course in addition to what he paid for his own refreshments.

   At the close remarks were made by Daniel McNish and by Mr. Stone. The evening was a great success from the social point of view and will no doubt prove very helpful in carrying on the good work there.

 

By Boat to Long Branch.

   The ocean route from New York to Long Branch is a popular one, with the steamboat Republic making three trips every day from Pier 10 East River. The Republic makes but one landing in New York and the pier is just above the South Ferry. The trip is one that shows the ocean at its best and the beauties of the bay and harbor and the time-table gives ample opportunity for a stay at Long Branch, where there are trolley connections with Asbury Park, Ocean Grove and other places. There is a good restaurant on the boat, always open, and there are concerts and vaudeville performances during the trips, without extra charge, and the round trip ticket costs only 75 cents on a steamboat that is big enough and safe enough to make the trip a pleasant one to New York City people and those who visit it and want a day's outing on the salt water.

 

A Three-Legged Duck.

   Mrs. R. H. Stark brought to The Standard office this morning a three-legged duck, one of a brood that was hatched on July 10. The little fellow was a curiosity. He was as lively and active as any duck ever seen and tried hard to escape from Mrs. Stark's restraining hand. He has two perfectly formed feet and legs upon which he stands and moves about. A third leg and foot with complete web also perfectly formed projects from the body in the rear of the other two and about midway between them. This leg is not called into use to walk or swim with, but performs the same service as the leg of a two-wheeled cart—prevents the duck from tipping over backward. Apparently it is going to grow and develop like the others. Mrs. Stark refused an offer of $1 for the duck this morning.

   [Readers are encouraged to read the story about a three-legged mouse in a separate post of the Cortland Contrarian—CC ed.]

 

BREVITIES.

   —A meeting of the Sons of Veterans will be held to-morrow night.

   —Cortland commandery, No. 50, K. T., will meet to-morrow night and confer the Red Cross degree.

   —Newton Brown's barn in Cuyler was struck by lightning during a shower Tuesday afternoon, but was not set on fire, and but little damage was done.

   —George T. Chatterton of Cortland has secured a patent on a body hanger for vehicles through his attorneys, Louis Bagger & Co., of Washington, D. C.

   —Mr. Howard W. Beattie of Dowd-st., an employee of the Cortland Forging Co., got the first finger of his right hand caught in a press yesterday, and will be prevented from working for some time as a result.

   —School Commissioner C. J. Coleman of Madison is said to have no opposition to a renomination.—Cazenovia Republican. Mr. Coleman is wide awake and up to date and no wonder Madison county wants him again.

   —The Oneonta Star notes the fact that Cortland county has sold over 2,200 sidepath tags while Otsego county has disposed of but 425. It exhorts its wheelmen to stir themselves and buy tags and get some sidepaths built with the proceeds.

   —New display advertisements to-day are—Young People's Christian Union of Cortland, Excursion to Glenwood on Cayuga lake, page 5; Cortland Carriage Goods Co., Bicycles, page 4; Palace Confectionery Co., Candies, ice cream, etc., page 4; Palmer & Co., Play ball, page 7.

   —The three little Binghamton colored children who were singing and dancing on the streets of Cortland last week moved on to Syracuse and amused the people there for a day, and then the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children put an end to it on the ground that they were too young and were violating the law.

   —When the big elm tree in front of C. F. Brown's drug store was being cut down the workmen struck their saw against a nail in the body of the tree. When they got at it they found an old-fashioned cut ten-penny nail 14 inches inside the bark of the tree where it had evidently once been driven in. The query was, how many years ago was it that the nail was driven and how long had it taken for the tree to grow over it. G. W. Davenport has the nail.

BREAK

BREAK.

     Three key staffers of the Cortland Contrarian will be on vacation for about two weeks. Our blog posts will be temporarily halted until February 22, 2015, when the Cortland Contrarian will resume its local history exploration with vintage newspaper posts.

     We encourage our readers to explore existing posts, especially the earlier posts. (Former) Mayor Susan Feiszli’s Post-Primary Election Statement, Alderman Leonard’s emails, Abel Olmstead, Three-Legged Mouse, Conjecture and Rumor, Has Anyone Seen Sherwood, Sherwood's Photo Released, Sherwood Elopes with Chiquita Banana, Sherwood Applies for a Real Job, and No Cow Left Behind are some of the favorites. We have posted fiction and non-fiction and opinion pieces on various subjects. Posts are listed by year and month.

     Our thanks to Thomas M. Tryniski of Fulton for the free non-commercial use of his newspaper archives. His website is original, unique and certainly worth visiting. We encourage those who use his newspaper resources to send him a donation for maintenance. Link: http://fultonhistory.com/Fulton.html.

 

Something Good Just Happened

     When they took that TV show My Name Is Earl off the air, I cried over the loss. I went into a deep funk. That show meant a lot to me--and to my dog. We watched it together in the living room of my house and sometimes in my bedroom. My dog and I bonded watching that TV show. I shared my pretzels and he shared his dog biscuits. We both drank beer.
     I got ticketed for DWI on Route 17 the other day. My dog was driving, and that's the honest truth and that's what I told the trooper. But he said I put the dog in the driver's seat when I was stopped. I argued with him and he got mad, and added three more infractions: unlicensed operation of a motor vehicle, unlicensed pet ownership and indecent exposure. You see, my dog wasn't wearing his collar and tag, and I wasn't wearing any clothes. We were both dog drunk. Life isn't fair. 
     My Name Is Earl is a great show. I don’t have to think when I’m watching it.
     Months after they pulled My Name Is Earl, something good happened for a change. A TV station started showing reruns. I swear the reruns saved my life. But when the TV station pulled the reruns, something like a heavy fog fell over me. My zest for life vanished. My humor evaporated. I lost all interest in simple things.
     The most disturbing aspect of my depression was that I began to think again. My friends noticed it and they were more disturbed than I was.
     For my part, the act of thinking took some getting used to, but it didn’t stop the deep gut feeling of misery and depression. In fact, I think thinking made it worse.
     I visited my doctor and got some Prozac. I shared it with my dog. We both looked so damn wasted.
     One day, after work and after supper, I was flipping TV channels and I came to a new TV show called Duck Dynasty. Watching it for the first time, I could swear that my body and mind were being lifted from the grave. My dog barked with joy and contentment, and my zest for life came roaring back. I smiled at first, and then I laughed like a damn fool. I also found, to my great delight and satisfaction, that I wasn’t burdened with thinking anymore.
     I phoned my doctor and told him I didn’t need Prozac. My dog and I stopped taking it.
     So here’s the lesson I learned. Don’t ever give up hope. When you least expect it, something good will happen. It has to--the odds favor it. When you’re buried in shit ninety-eight percent of the time, it’s that two percent called ‘something good just happened’ that keeps you undefeated, indefatigable and gratefully immune to all the negative influences on your life.

Averell Pitts
Binghamton, N.Y.

Jimmy Kimmel and Duck Dynasty carrot call on YouTube
Jase Robertson on YouTube: http://youtu.be/ieqDYg5cWL4

Also recommended:
Three Legged Mouse Story.

NAVIGATE BLOG ARCHIVES

NAVIGATE BLOG ARCHIVES.

   This blog was created to navigate by year and month hierarchy.  For example, if a reader selects year 2011 from the blog archives, several posts in December 2011 will appear. To move back for older posts, scroll down below the last post on current page of December 2011 and select "older posts." Or simply left click the arrow next to year 2011 to display all 12 months, then click on the arrow for a month, and next click on a post by name.
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MESSAGE

MESSAGE TO OUR READERS.

     March 11, 1887 was the LAST publication date going forward of the Cortland News available at our resource link. We could see it coming when we posted the hanging of Mrs. Druse. We thought we were near the end of our rope too. Starting with the great fires in Cortland, the heroic actions of the volunteer fire department, and the establishment of a private water company, we reproduced articles found in the Cortland News first published from the spring of 1884 to the spring of 1887. We overlooked the years 1881 to 1883, and this period of time may be our next target of interest.  
     Clayton H. Buell was editor and publisher of the Cortland News until January 1882, when he sold to Frank G. Kinney, a newspaper publisher with a solid reputation. It was Frank G. Kinney who first published the Standard on June 29, 1867. Kinney sold his interest in the Standard to Wesley Hooker on May 1, 1872. Wesley Hooker sold to William Clark in April 1876. Kinney and Buell were contentious Republicans who took shots at Democrats, Republicans and those who stood in between. 
     The staff at the Cortland Contrarian assumes the water contract was accepted by Village of Cortland voters in March 1887. We are looking for the decision of the libel suit against publisher Strowbridge of the Cortland News. When we find it, we will post it.
     The posting of these old newspaper items has been an act of discovery for our staff and readers. There were nights when the Cortland Contrarian editor’s phone rang after 11 p. m., and an excited contributor working on this project would disclose the latest finding. Some of the information we posted was known only to genealogy researchers, historians and librarians.
     During the posting of these articles the number of hits to our website more than doubled. We are registered with Google Search, so hits came from Canada, England, Netherlands, Germany, China, India and other countries. Some of these hits were accidental, some intentional--so we presume. The majority of hits came from the United States. Our blog statistics demonstrate a high count for local and regional history postings, and for the occasional tall-tales such as Skunked and Three-legged Mouse. Many posts were read a second or third time by a single unknown reader.
     The newspaper articles we posted were past copyright protection, and our staff copied and reproduced them. We maintained a high degree of accuracy in the process. Occasionally we allowed the letter t as an unwanted substitute for the letter f but that was a flaw in optical character recognition software and subsequent editor blindness. Unlike the New York Times, we don’t claim copyright for our work reproducing archived news no longer under copyright. We did the work as a public service. The newspaper articles that were past copyright protection and reproduced in the pages of our blog may be copied and reproduced by others. We encourage historical societies and researchers to make use of them. 
     We wish to thank especially Mr. Tom Tryniski of Fulton, N. Y. His exceptional website (www.fultonhistory.com) provides the public with free access to digital archives of thousands of old newspapers. He stipulates non-commercial use. If you are a researcher and you use his website, please consider a donation to Tom so that he can keep and expand his digital archives.