Something Good Just Happened

     When they took that TV show My Name Is Earl off the air, I cried over the loss. I went into a deep funk. That show meant a lot to me--and to my dog. We watched it together in the living room of my house and sometimes in my bedroom. My dog and I bonded watching that TV show. I shared my pretzels and he shared his dog biscuits. We both drank beer.
     I got ticketed for DWI on Route 17 the other day. My dog was driving, and that's the honest truth and that's what I told the trooper. But he said I put the dog in the driver's seat when I was stopped. I argued with him and he got mad, and added three more infractions: unlicensed operation of a motor vehicle, unlicensed pet ownership and indecent exposure. You see, my dog wasn't wearing his collar and tag, and I wasn't wearing any clothes. We were both dog drunk. Life isn't fair. 
     My Name Is Earl is a great show. I don’t have to think when I’m watching it.
     Months after they pulled My Name Is Earl, something good happened for a change. A TV station started showing reruns. I swear the reruns saved my life. But when the TV station pulled the reruns, something like a heavy fog fell over me. My zest for life vanished. My humor evaporated. I lost all interest in simple things.
     The most disturbing aspect of my depression was that I began to think again. My friends noticed it and they were more disturbed than I was.
     For my part, the act of thinking took some getting used to, but it didn’t stop the deep gut feeling of misery and depression. In fact, I think thinking made it worse.
     I visited my doctor and got some Prozac. I shared it with my dog. We both looked so damn wasted.
     One day, after work and after supper, I was flipping TV channels and I came to a new TV show called Duck Dynasty. Watching it for the first time, I could swear that my body and mind were being lifted from the grave. My dog barked with joy and contentment, and my zest for life came roaring back. I smiled at first, and then I laughed like a damn fool. I also found, to my great delight and satisfaction, that I wasn’t burdened with thinking anymore.
     I phoned my doctor and told him I didn’t need Prozac. My dog and I stopped taking it.
     So here’s the lesson I learned. Don’t ever give up hope. When you least expect it, something good will happen. It has to--the odds favor it. When you’re buried in shit ninety-eight percent of the time, it’s that two percent called ‘something good just happened’ that keeps you undefeated, indefatigable and gratefully immune to all the negative influences on your life.

Averell Pitts
Binghamton, N.Y.

Jimmy Kimmel and Duck Dynasty carrot call on YouTube
Jase Robertson on YouTube: http://youtu.be/ieqDYg5cWL4

Also recommended:
Three Legged Mouse Story.