NASBY'S VIEW OF SILVER

Bill Nye, "Petroleum V. Nasby."

Cortland Evening Standard, Friday, October 9, 1896.

NASBY’S VIEW OF SILVER.

"Petroleum V. Nasby" in 1878.

   CONFEDERIT X ROADS (Wich is in the state of Kentucky,) Jan. 22, 1878.—I ain't so certin that I want the silver bill to pass ez I was. The fact is, the thing don't work ez I sposed it wood, and I ain't clear on to it. There is suttle principles in these finanshel questions wich requires a great deel uv thought, and there is underlying principles wich a man has got to understand afore he is competent to set hisself up ez authority.

   One thing I'm certin uv, Bascom ain't no finanseer, nor never will be, and I told him so.

   "Wat is a finanseer?" asked he.

   "A finanseer," sed I, assooming the look of Dan'l Webster, "is a man wich kin pay his debts with nothin"—a man wich kin git suthin' with nothin'."

   The Corners, then, is full of finanseers," he remarkt bitterly, castin' a casual glance at his slate, wich wuz jist full enuff to turn over and begin on tother side.

   But he hezn't any uv the science uv it. I wuz argooing with him the other day in favor uv my noshun uv a leather currency, though I told him silver wuz much the same thing and, for example, I would assoom that silver wuz to be the currency uv the fucher.

   "Now, don't yoo see, Bascom, that ef I hed twict ez much money, I cood drink twict ez much whiskey and pay for it?"

   "How much is twict nothin'?'' wuz the unfeelin' answer uv the tyrant who holds the destinies uv the Corners in his hands. "That's wot yoor capitle hez bin ever since I knowed yoo.

   ''Parson,'' sed he, "I don't see what erthly difference it's goin' to make whether silver is currency or anything else. How are yoo goin' to git silver ef it is made legal tender? Ef silver was ez plenty ez bricks, w'at hev you got to git any uv it with?"

   "Troo, G. W.," wuz my answer, "but can't you see that to hev silver wood releeve the dettor class? Even now, afore it is legal tender, it's only wuth 92 cents on the dollar, and when the country is flooded with it it will go still lower. Then we—or rather sich uv us ez hev property to raise money on—kin pay off—"

   "Eggsactly so," retorts Bascom; "you kin pay me for the good, honest likker uv mine, wich you hev consoomed, in coin wich is less than the dollar you promised. All rite. But look here—come in here, all uv yoo. I want yoo silver men to know exactly w'at yoo are rushin' into."

   And this feend led us into the back room—that back room wich contanes the subsistence uv the Corners. There, in long rows, wuz Bascom's stock. There, in barrils, piled one on top uv another, wuz the dilishus whiskey uv Louisville, uv different ages, rangin' from that uv two weeks old to that wich hed jist left the still, and was scarcely cold yit. There it lay, and ez my eye ranged affeckshunately over it, I felt ef I cood hev the drinkin' uv all that likker I wood be content to lay down and die when the last drop wuz gone.

   Bascom pinted to an immense tank wich he hed erected within a few days,

with a pipe running in from the roof.

   "I shan't raise the price uv likker in consekence uv bein' paid for it in a depreshiated currency!" sed he.

   I fell on Bascom's neck, in an extacy uv delite, while the others shouted, "ah for Bascom!"

   "G. W.," I remarkt, while teers suffoosed my eyes, "I never placed yoo much below the angels, but this generous act has histed yoo a hundred per cent in my estimashun. Bless yoo, G. W., bless you."

   "But I'll tell you w'at I shell do. Do you see that tan?" sed he.

   "May I ask w'at that is for?" I sed.

   "That tank will fill with rane-water," sed he. "The moment yoo git to payin' me in silver, I shel take out uv eech uv them birrils jist eggsackly three and one-fifth gallons uv likker, and fill it with water.''

   "Merciful hevings! we all exclaimed, "and poor likker so weak now!"

   "And when silver gits down to 75 cents on the dollar, I shel take out 25 per cent uv whiskey and fill her up with 25 per cent of water. And so on down. Ef silver goes up I shel add whiskey eggsackly in proporshen. In short, my whiskey is jist agoin' to foller currency, and nothin' shorter. Yoo fellers wich work for wages may swet, but I won't."

   "But yoo'l increase the size of your glasses?" sed I.

   "Not eny. But yoo may drink twice ez many times to git the same amount uv drunk ez before by payin' for each drink."

   And Bascom stalked hawtily back and took his positin behind his bar.

   Ther wuz consternashun in the Corners sich ez I hev never seen. There wuz a hurried consultashun at the Deckin' house and I sejested that we emancipate ourselves from the dominyun uv this tyrant by startin' a grosery uv our own on the joint stock principle, wich wuz agreed to, each man agreein' to contribbit $10 to the capitle stock, wich wood be enuff to buy a birrll or two, for a beginnin'.

   We wuz enthoosiastic till we come to ballotin' for the man to keep the place, when it wuz found instid uv my bein' chosen, yoonanimusly, ez I eggspected to be, that every man hed votid for hisself. Ez not a soul uv them would recede, the skeem wuz blocked rite there, and finally hed to be abandoned, and we went back to Bascom's and submittid. That tyrant hez us.

   Uv course we can't stand likker dilootid in that manner. We are willin' enuff to diloot the currency with which to pay for likker, but we want our likker full strength. We coodent help it, but that nite we signed and sent to our Representative a remonstrance agin' the silver bill. The Corners is now for a honest currency. Wood, O wood, that we hed some uv it.

   PETROLEUM V. NASBY,

   Finanseer.

HON. W. W. HICKS

Advocates Sound Money and Good Government at Marathon, N. Y.

   Last evening the Republicans of Marathon held a grand rally at Library hall in Marathon. At an early hour the spacious hall was filled with residents of Marathon and neighboring towns, all anxious to hear the truths of the present campaign discussed by an able exponent of protection and sound money. The meeting was called to order by D. Barnard Willson, who nominated J. J. Hickey as chairman of the evening.

   Mr. Hickey in a few well chosen remarks thanked the audience for the honor conferred and assured the people that he was strongly in accord with the principles of the present Republican platform. He then introduced the speaker of the evening, the Hon. W. W. Hicks of Florida, who has several times greeted immense audiences in this county. Mr. Hicks, after brief introductory remarks, spoke in part as follows:

   "I shall confine myself to the discussion of the Chicago [Democratic] platform, and a more nondescript heterogeneous mass of incongruities never existed. I have a serious objection to the name under which this platform is sailing. The Democratic party has enough to answer for without having this laid at its doors. They—I mean the National Democrats— are not in any way responsible for the present curious combination known as the Chicago platform. The money plank in this platform was a source of discussion at the time of the Chicago convention. David B. Hill, the greatest mind in the Democratic party, reasoned with his associates at this time and in a most masterly speech defended our monetary system, but the convention had gone crazy and nothing could stay its mad career. He could as well have endeavored to stop the force of the mighty cataract of Niagara. I draw a wide distinction between a Democrat and a Popocrat.

   "I am an American. I give no quarter, I ask none. Next to my love of God comes my love of country. But, my dear friends, there are several things in this [Chicago] platform for us to consider. The money plank is not the worst feature in this platform. You will all acknowledge the fact that profound respect for law forms the foundation of good government. Lord Russell of Great Britain, one of the most learned judicial officials of the old country, recently paid a high tribute to our supreme court when he said that the supreme court had done much to advance the cause of good government, and had made this country one of the best governed nations in the world. What do you think of a party which assails such a court? They say boldly if they were in power they would shorten the tenure of office of these supreme court judges and make their positions political targets and political prey. The people of the country who advance such an idea are very sensitive. They do not like to be called Anarchists. Why not? What's in a name?

   "Democrats who love their country better than they love their party are leaving the party and allying themselves with their former enemies, the Republicans. Some Democrats think there should be a free and unlimited coinage of silver, but my dear friends can you afford to try the experiment of free coinage at the expense of the bulwarks of the greatest power on earth—namely the supreme court? If Thomas Jefferson in his home above sees what is going on here below he will be greatly grieved with some of his children.

   "Two years ago there was an incipient rebellion in the city of Chicago. Devastation, death and bloodshed were common on every side. For some reason the state of Illinois did not put down this rebellion, but at this juncture Grover Cleveland interposed and quiet was restored. This alone will make Cleveland famous in future years."

    The speaker then explained in a clear and forcible manner the meaning of 16 to 1 and urged all voters to uphold the supreme court, sound money and [tariff] protection.

   Appropriate songs were sung by the glee club.

Resignation of Secretary J. W. Suggett.

   At the meeting of the local board of the Cortland Normal school held last evening, Mr. J. W. Suggett resigned his place as secretary of the board, the pressure of his professional engagements and frequent and prolonged absences from town making it seem desirable to him that some other member of the board should perform the duties of the office, especially as he had served during more than five years while the work of the secretary had been the heaviest in the history of the school. The board accepted the resignation most unwillingly, and only because Mr. Suggett positively declined to reconsider his action.

   A resolution was placed on the records expressing the deep regret of the board at the resignation, and its sense of obligation to the retiring secretary for his long, faithful and valuable service. Mr. T. H. Wickwire was then elected secretary in Mr. Suggett's place.

Early Closing.

   We, the undersigned grocers and meat dealers of Cortland agree to close our respective laces of business at 8 o'clock commencing Monday, Oct. 12, 1896, until the first of April, 1897, excepting Saturday nights and during the holiday weeks:

   C. F. Thompson, groceries and meats. E. P. Cotton. Dan Reilly, Railroad-st. market, John Felkel, city market, R. E. Reilly, model market, F. Schellinger, meat market, Muncy & Son, Grant-st. market, J. W. Brown & Co., grocery, Frazier & Bouck, Central market, Jas. M. Churchill & Co., grocers, J. O. Reid, meats, H. B. Hubbard, groceries and crockery, Harris & Moore, groceries, H. M. Hopkins, grocer, Clark & Angel, grocers, Geo. E. Larrabee, meats, C. W. Stoker, groceries and meats, G. O. Whitcomb & Co., groceries, Angell & McFall, Owego-st. market, Price & Co., groceries.

BREVITIES.

   —There will be a leap year party in Empire hall to-night.

   —The Ithaca News says: "A lady living at South Cortland would like to adopt a bright blue-eyed girl about 3 years old."

   —The police found two bicycles last night. One has been claimed by its owner, and the other is at police headquarters awaiting its owner.

   —The list of polling places, where the registration boards are in session are published in another column. Look up your own polling place and register.

   —A horse attached to Gamel's milk delivery wagon became frightened on

Clinton-ave. this morning and ran away, making a free delivery of milk in front of the livery stable of J. L. Watrous.

   —Be sure to register in person to-day or to-morrow if you live in Cortland village. If you live outside of Cortland village register to-morrow. The registration boards will he in session until 9 P. M.

   —The enrollment of students at Wells college is eighty-five, showing a gain of five over last year. This is the largest number the college has had since the abolishment of the preparatory course.—Ithaca Democrat.

   —New advertisements to-day are— Bacon, Chapell & Co., fall underwear and hosiery, page 5; G. J. Mager & Co., dry goods, page 8; I. Whiteson, clothing, page 4; Case, Ruggles & Bristol, underwear, page 6.

   —In 1878 Petroleum V. Nasby got his eyes opened upon the merits of the silver question and arrived at the very sensible conclusion that many people are reaching now-a-days. His process of reasoning is found in a letter of his to-day published on our editorial page. It is well worth reading.

   —Anthony Shimer, a very eccentric citizen of Auburn died Thursday morning, at the age of 77 years. He was born in Moravia. July 4, 1819, and began life as a peddler. He had acquired a vast fortune by purchases of real estate. The Auburn papers each devote two full pages to his obituary notice.

Rally at Scott.

   The Republicans of Scott turned out in very large numbers last night to hear Hon. Thomas McVeigh of Michigan and B. T. Wright, Esq., of Cortland. Roches' hall was crowded to the doors. Hon. S. A. Childs presided and music was furnished by a glee club from Moravia. Telling speeches were made by both the gentlemen. It is said that there is no free silver sentiment in the town of Scott.