Cell Phone Zombies Take Over Blue Frog Coffee Cafe

     Dozens of cell phone carrying zombies quietly took over the Blue Frog Coffee Cafe on Main Street, Cortland, Friday night. They entered singly and in small groups and sat down at every available seat. Overflow zombies stood behind occupied seats. They ordered Haitian coffee and bird-brain pate imported from Chile.
     At exactly 8 P.M. their cell phones started ringing. The slow-moving zombies, pale and death-like, began a noisy disruptive cacophony of zombie talk. It was an exceptional cell phone event. Interruptions and repetitive questions and answers were frequently heard. It was too loud in the coffee shop to hear orders or converse normally. Every attempt to quiet the zombies failed.
     The owner called 911, and Detective Sgt. Pepper and two patrolmen from the Cortland Police Department responded. After some questioning, it was determined that most of the zombies were former or current SUCC professors and students. A smattering were middle-age business professionals, who had been "transformed" by a mysterious Haitian woman who used to work at the coffee shop.
     Sgt. Pepper fell back on his police academy training and his personal touch of crowd control persuasion. Above the cacophony he shouted: "Silence!" Order was restored. Then he offered to sponsor a special Brain Barbecue--on the order of Bob's barbecue--and also a musical concert, featuring his band, in return for civil conversation at the coffee shop. His proposal was accepted by the zombies, who expressed their satisfaction with doleful cheering. The cell phones disappeared from view. No arrests were made.

     The barbecue and concert is scheduled for 6 P.M. Black Friday in the parking lot beside the Blue Frog Coffee Cafe. Cortland residents are urged to patronize the coffee shop, and meet and talk to real zombie customers.
     The owner of the establishment is an attractive open-minded woman who tolerates these undead zombies and sometimes sings to them. Perhaps this is why she hasn't been "transformed." She invites new and old patrons to sample good food and refreshments, which are listed on the menu. Look for Double Chocolate Zombie Delight, a favorite dessert for visitors.
     If asked, don't go out alone with any of the zombies. Beneath their dull civility, they are all indiscriminate brain eaters.

Editor's note: Curious readers are encouraged to visit:  http://www.zombiesarecoming.com/ and www.thegrumbler.net. View the illustration of cell phone zombies by Victor Kerlow in The Grumbler.