Cortland has faced flu epidemics, even typhoid, but never an authentic outbreak of dreaded Bubonic plague. Never say never in Cortland, especially at election time.
"By God, it's here in Cortland and we have already reported ten cases to the CDC," said Dr. Frank N. Stein, Director of Internal Medicine at CMH.
The Cortland County Health Department has issued a health emergency alert to avoid an epidemic. Guidelines for the public were issued.
Bubonic plague is a zoonotic disease spread by infected rodents and their fleas. Symptoms include swelling under armpits, in the groin and on the neck, chills, fever and seizures. It is a lymphatic disease. Humans can die in less than a week if untreated.
The name Bubonic plague is derived from the Greek bubo, meaning swollen gland. The infection enters the skin and moves to the lymphatics. It is caused by a form of bacteria called Yersinia pestis. Bubonic plague is the cause of the Black Death, which killed 75 million people in 14th century Europe.
"The ten cases we reported are all Woodster Democrats and they are being treated successfully with streptomycin and an amalgam of Ronald Reagan cheese. These rodents ought to be transferred to an animal hospital but this is an emergency, so we accepted them. It's our duty. Besides," he added with a troubled look, "the animal hospitals have refused to accept any of them."
CMH staff deloused the Woodsters in a special room before admitting them to Critical Care. They were sprayed with Lincoln disinfectant and washed with Jefferson bleach. Workers at the hospital were wearing protective clothing and heavy linesman's gloves.
"The last step in the process is to extract all the lies. That takes a very long time," said Dr. Stein.
Editor's Note: See September post Woodsters Euphemism Explained.
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