Following elections in Cortland, a reporter from an area newspaper interviewed editor Jeff Paine of the Cortland Contrarian in camera. The interview took place somewhere off campus. The reporter wore a blind-fold during the interview and used a recorder. At the conclusion of the interview, the reporter submitted a finished article for publication in his newspaper. The managing editor claimed the content was "inappropriate" and refused to publish it.
Here are some snippets from the interview.
Reporter: The Cortland Contrarian recently supported Mayor Susan Feiszli for re-election and she was defeated. Do you have any comments?
Paine: We supported the best candidate. We have no regrets.
Reporter: Why do you mix politics with literary postings and comic nonsense?
Paine: Why not? My contributors and I believe that politics falls into the same category as comic nonsense, especially here in Cortland.
Reporter: According to the blog, you have several contributors and an editor chosen for incompetence. Why was the editor chosen for incompetence?
Paine: A competent editor would work a full day and get paid for it. I am not paid, and I don't work a full day. The Woodsters offered me $500 on condition that I stop work on this blog. I refused the offer. It wasn't enough. I felt insulted and undervalued. Besides, it was the same dirty money that was offered to the mayor for political support and an appointed job at city hall.
Reporter: If you are not paid, why do you do it?
Paine: I do it for self-pleasure. I am a latent literary masturbator.
Reporter: Your blog claims several contributors. With several contributors, how do you arrive at a consensus to release a post on your blog?
Paine: By majority vote. It establishes our faith in democracy.
Reporter: The history posts are quite interesting. Do you have a history teacher or historian among your contributors?
Paine: Yes. As a matter of fact, we have a contributor who specializes in history, another who specializes in literature. But I suspect their professional credentials are counterfeit.
Reporter: Do you have trouble organizing and editing your posts?
Paine: Yes. Thanks for asking. I had difficulty with the recent post Miracle Plant Grows On Roof Of Cortland Library. The contributor, who knows nothing about Latin and used some Latin words, offered several revisions after the story was posted. So translating former Library Director Warren Eddy's name into Latin was a chore. I traveled to Rome and back to get it. I'm still not sure I got it right: Warrensia Eddysiae. Case and gender may be incorrect. The Roman I spoke to was drunk--you can shove your to whom. That post had other difficulties, too. It came to me garbled on the Internet, and some words and phrases had to be moved or changed after the story was first posted. It is still garbled, in the opinion of many readers.
Reporter: Who writes the crazy stories about zombies, aliens, flashers and English-speaking chimps?
Paine: An English-speaking chimp.
Reporter: Seriously--
Paine: I'm serious. We have an chimp on out staff. His name is Sherwood. He's a fugitive from justice at the moment.
Reporter: Is that the chimp who went on a rampage at the county office building?
Paine: That's our Sherwood. He does have a temper, doesn't he?
Reporter: It seems our serious interview just went off the deep end. Do you have a problem with reality?
Paine: Yes.
Visitors are encouraged to read Has Anyone Seen Sherwood? in October 2011 postings. J. Paine
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