CORTLAND COUNTY EXPRESS

Cortland County Express, Thursday, September 6, 1849.

Peter Single's Escape from Matrimony.

   We are liable to disappointments, says my aunt with a sigh. True I answered, but you surely don't pretend to call mine a disappointment. What else you blockhead?—Why an escape, aunt, a wonderful, miraculous and delightful escape. Why, these are strange words, Peter. No more strange than true, my good aunt, and every day's observation makes it more so. Merely Peeping, aunt—looking into the secrets of their hearts—the secrets and houses of those who are married, and I was then taught the true blessings of liberty. 'Tis a gift of heaven bestowed upon man by his divine Creator and all animated beings free from the thraldom of slavery, sing together for joy—for why? because they are free!

   Why, Peter, you are inspired. I am, aunt, when speaking of liberty. Then you don't regard the loss of Dolly? Not a fig—not a fig. Did you ever hear the reason of our separation, aunt? No. Well I will tell you; 'tis an excellent joke, I assure you. We were on our way to the church for the awful crime of matrimony, trudging along the path leading to the holy pile, quite loving and affectionate; when all of a sudden Dolly looks up into my face, and cries, Peter, Peter. What, Dolly? says I. Peter, who is to make the fire after we are married ? You, of course, Dolly, I replied—that you must be aware, is a female's place, her duty. Mr. Single, I tell you it is unmannerly, ungentlemanlike and unhusbandlike too, to say that I must make the fire, and do you think I will get up on a cold, frosty morning, while you are sleeping in bed, and make your fire, sir?

   Why Dolly, my dear, this is strange conduct—and I went on to tell her that I would prepare the wood over night, and have every thing ready for her—and, Dolly, you know my business will call me out early. I don't know, nor I don't care Mr. Single—make the fire I will not. You won't make the fire, madam? No sir! Then, Dolly, hang me if I have you. Then Mr. Single, hang me if I care. And so we parted. Yes, on the spot— and I have rejoiced ever since. I sign myself with great pleasure,

   PETER SINGLE.

 

   The following is one of the best things we have seen for a long time from the pen of the Editor of the Troy Whig. It will be seen that he does not favor "long prayers," unless they be good.

NOTE-WORTHY.

   The correspondent of the N. Y. Commercial Advertiser gives a description of the exercises at the late commencement at Williams College, and particularly mentions the prayer by Dr. Todd of Pittsfield, which says the writer "instead of being so long as to bring the audience into a fretful state of mind, anything but favorable to devotion, as is too often the case, was short and very appropriate." The writer says he mentions this because clergymen do not usually exercise their good judgment on public occasions, in the matter of leading a congregation to the throne of grace."

   We feel tempted to indulge in a lay sermon on this subject, for probably there is no one thing connected with religious exercises that may be amended with greater propriety than this. We believe we may safely say that as a general thing, ministers in the pulpit do not often see before them a congregation that prefer a long prayer to a short one; and so long as the effect of the discourse to follow will depend largely on the humor of the audience, it would seem to be well that the minister should not overtax his listener with lengthy prayers. We fancy, if the truth was known, it would be made to appear that many a congregation in the afternoon has been thinned out amazingly by long drawn out exercises in the morning.

   In the house of worship as elsewhere, human nature is the same. Men get tired, and perhaps provoked, or disgusted at what occurs there, as they do for the same reasons elsewhere. The effect and influence of the preaching, and of the whole exercises, depend on their appropriateness, a thing that appears not to be understood always. A preacher must be very fresh to hold an audience in perfect humor in a discourse of over forty minutes. Like a good meal, a sermon, according to our notion, should be concluded while the listener would relish "more of the same sort," so that he will be pretty sure to come the next time to get it. It is sometimes, quite too often tho' seldom may be, the fate of the congregation to be compelled to undergo the inflictions of a preacher, who prosily divides off his discourse into ten heads, which process in the aggregate brings him to the starting point of a sermon of an hour's duration, followed by a prayer of equal proportions,—"the above to conclude" with a hymn of a half dozen verses sung with the doxology—but we will conclude, lest we violate our own rule.

 

How to Ruin a Son.

   1. Let him have his own way.

   2. Allow him free use of money.

   3. Permit him to roam where he pleases on the sabbath.

   4. Give him full access to unprincipled companions.

   5. Call him to no account of his evenings.

   6. Furnish him with no stated employment.

   Pursue either of these ways, and you will experience a most marvelous deliverance, or you will have to mourn over a debased and ruined son. Thousands have realized the sad result, and have gone mourning to the grave.

 

   NEW STAMPS—The Post Office Department at Washington have furnished a set of new stamps to the various sub-post-offices throughout the Union. The new stamps are at once neat and labor-saving. In the place of making two stamps to designate the place where the letter is mailed, and the amount of postage to be collected, a single stamp does both.

 

Death of S. S. Seward, Esq.

   This venerable citizen, father of Gov. Seward says the Albany Journal, died at his residence in Florida, Orange County, on Friday evening last at the advanced age of 83 years, after a lingering illness. He had been confined to his house for nearly forty years, and at the time of his death was wasted almost to a skeleton by his protracted illness. About six weeks ago, our readers will recollect, he was smitten down with paralysis, which was the immediate cause of his death.—Auburn Adv.

 

Farmers, Try Experiments.

   We earnestly recommend that farmers should experiment with new varieties of seed, grasses, potatoes, fruit, hogs, cattle, sheep and fowls; new kinds of farming implements, new manures and cultivation, for it is only by well conducted experiments and accurate comparison, (not guess work), that farmers can make safe and profitable "Agricultural progress."

   But we must as strongly advise them against attempting expensive experiments, or incurring heavy risk, because a thing is new and highly cracked up. The days of the Multicaulis fever, and rohan potato mania, have gone by; but other humbugs are and will occasionally be brought forth, and woe to him who has not the bump of caution fully developed.

 

PAGE TWO—EDITORIALS.

Gold.

   Our opinion of the advantages which gold-hunting promises, has from the first varied but little. Recent accounts but confirm us in the belief that representations of former letter writers were colored too highly. Arrivals at San Francisco from the mines are frequent, in consequence of the parties and persons so returning not having been able to pay expenses from the avails of their labor. Many who remain at the mines consider it lucky indeed to procure, by digging, half an ounce of gold per diem. Now and then we hear of persons who realize handsome sums from their labor but, for every such instance of good luck, how many poor fellows may be counted who will have expended their little worldly all, and lost their health to boot, and not have brought away a thimble-full of the yellow stuff.

   But—mercy—how much will it benefit any one for us to advise him to stay at home? Thousands are bewildered—captivated by the mere sound of gold. If they can not get at the substance they would pursue the shadow. They have spoken, and thought, and dreamed of gold, till California is their Heaven: they know no other! They have a sort of religious veneration for the mines; they will brave any danger—dispute the way with savage men and savage beasts, or encounter the perils of old ocean, to throw themselves into the golden paradise.

   There is a moral grandeur exhibited in the act of him who, exiling himself from his country and kindred, braves the perils of the deep, the dangers of an uncongenial clime, and the curses and cruelties of heathenism, to regenerate debased manhood—to give the word of life and the blessings of civilization to humanity in its worst state—but when we see our enlightened, christianized countrymen impelled to suffer severe hardships and dangers, for gold alone, we can not but pity and deplore their debasement.

   We admire, as much as any one, well directed enterprise. We love energy of character, but we love also to see human schemes projected on a generous and philanthropic basis. God forbid that we should prostitute our powers to the pursuit of mere mercenary objects, be ours an impulse caught from a higher source than that of a material, perishable nature.

 

  

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