Update on Hydrofracking.
What
you need to know and fear. Hydrofracking
disturbs and pollutes the natural environment.
Round-the-clock bright lights, heavy machinery causing noise pollution, and
clouds of dust disturbing everyone. Methane leaks. Water pollution. Marcellus
Shale gas drillers and suppliers working all night and all
day. Hydrofracking operations presenting the appearance of an active war
zone. Fracking is an unconscionable assault on the environment.
Look at the air they breathe. It is polluted.
Air pollution often occurs from venting and leaking of toxic gases (including
volatile organic compounds (VOCs) and hydrocarbons including benzene, toluene,
ethyl benzene, xylene, and methamphetamine on surface rocks.
Smog production has visibly increased. This occurs when
VOCs combine with nitrogen oxides (NOx) from truck exhaust and ground-level
ozone. Eyes get itchy. Eyesight is impaired. Breathing is more difficult. The air itself stinks.
Skunks are cute and almost tolerable compared to this awful stink. Avoid skunks,
fight smog and join our crusade to Save the Earth.
There is manifest deforestation and loss of land for agriculture
and raising of livestock. Methane is detectable on property belonging to
farmers and other nearby residents, and there is methane in well and spring water.
Cows are producing worthless Brownfield milk while fighting back with their own
methane. Each action produces a reaction, etc.
Fracking disturbs wildlife and changes wildlife behavior.
There are reports that forest animals are attacking humans. Black bear attacks on
humans have increased. Crows and blue jays are harassing hikers and scouts and
nudists on nature trails. Fracking brought radon to the surface which caused mutations in the grey squirrel population. Grey squirrels are now about the size of small kangaroos. The squirrels have purchased guns and joined the NRA.
Hunters are actually taking non-self-inflicted casualties for the first time
in history. The State of Pennsylvania reports fewer applications for hunting
licenses, and the governor has proposed calling out the National Guard to
pacify “armed and dangerous squirrels politically aligned with the NRA.”
Toxic chemicals have contaminated local water wells,
springs, creeks, rivers and lakes. Ducks and geese refuse to land in these
waters. Pennsylvania’s fish, wanting desperately to escape, accepted
a devious invitation to fly south as cargo with known predators. They
joined eagles, cormorants and herons, flying all the way to Florida. These
fish, of course, were eaten on the way south, and the remains of nearly all of
Pennsylvania’s coveted game fish were deposited in Florida. Watch
your step, Floridians. Pennsylvania’s alligators started to move south too. They have demonstrated an appetite for tasty family pets and small children. Watch your kids and pets, Virginians!
Leaking methane, of course, is a highly potent greenhouse
gas. Did you know that it is adaptable for home heating and gas-fed hot
water heaters? Stay in harmony with nature, environmentalists. Build homes over these methane leaking cracks in the earth. Get your natural
gas free. Don’t bother looking for an insurance policy.
Fracking increases the known probability of earthquakes.
Our geologists have the evidence. You can pay to see it. Cash only, no checks.
Paranormal activity--flying witches, aliens, zombies and the like--was
noticed after several minor earthquakes occurred near Montrose, Pennsylvania.
As recently as November 22, 2013, late at night, truck drivers saw
glow-in-the-dark toxic zombies trudging north on roads and highways between
Montrose and Ithaca, New York. Drivers at truck stops heard zombies moaning in
the nearby woods: “Free at last, free at last, fracking set us free at last.”
Environmentalists, especially anti-frackers, are greatly concerned about these zombie reports.
They fear that the zombies are affiliated with the Tea-Party and may disrupt
anti-fracking protests scheduled at Ithaca, Dryden, Virgil and Albany, or they may
attack and eat Save-the-Earth protesters. State Police have reported
that hordes of zombies, when spotted from patrol cars,
turn off their chemical glow-in-the-dark
substance as fireflies do, and then disappear in the fields, woods and swamps. None has been killed or
captured so far.
A motorist from Ithaca stopped his car to read a map on the shoulder of Route
13 recently. He heard and saw a group of zombies in the woods near his car. He opened the
driver’s door window and claims he heard them mutter “Goin’ Virgil fur Halloween, gonna bob
fur applegait,” or words to that effect.
The driver is a college professor and a certified member of the Academy of Pertinacious Pedants. He is certain that
the zombies are on their way to Virgil, New York, under a pretense of bobbing for
apples on Halloween night. If any of them are caught by police, that's what they will mutter, omitting the word 'pretense.' He says the zombies actually intend to eat human
brains on Halloween night, and they have specified a delectable victim who lives in Virgil. Our certified member won’t say who
that person is, but he hints that it is a retired teacher that everyone knows and
loves.
A Republican Cortland County legislator, who doesn’t want his name
made public, thinks the zombies should stay in Ithaca or Dryden. “Looking for
brains in Virgil is a real waste of time,” he said.
Recommended:
“Air”
Original Broadway Cast of Hair on
YouTube.
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