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| David Ross Locke |
The Cortland
News, Friday, March 27, 1885.
The Disappointment of the Corners over the
Foreshadowing of the President’s Folly.
Confederit X
Roads (which is in the State uv Kentucky), March 17, 1885.
The Corners is enwrapped in gloom. Our regular copy
uv the Louisville Kerrier-Jernel
cam last night, and in it wuz a
announsement uv the President's determinashen not to remove Fedrel offis-holders
till their terms hed expired. Antissipatin trubble I kep the paper to myself but
unforchinitly Joe Bigler happened to be at the stashen at Seceshnville, and
bought a copy, wich he immejitly red, and still more immejitly perceeded to
make as public as possible.
The effeck
wuz disastrus. When I entered Bascoms, G. W. flew at me like one insane, and
demanded uv me how it wuz.
On the strength uv yoor gittin that offis immejitly, and
with the prospect uv the Deekin's hevn the Custom House, and Issaker Gavitt the
Revenoo, I hev extendid yoor credit, libraily, ontill the back door is covered
with chalk marks, and ther ain't room for no more figgers. And now, wat do I
heer? Why, forsooth, that Lubbock is to continner in the post offis, and Joe
Bigler and Pollock in the other plases till ther terms expire, wich is two
years yit. Am I to keep yoor skins full for two yeers more? We must call a
meetin.
I didn't
call a meetin, but I can’t help utterin my privit damn all the same.
Civil
Servis Reform, forsooth! Wat wuz the prevalin impreshen ez to Civil Servis
Reform when we uv the Corners went over into Injeany to vote fur this Buffalo
axident? [went over into Indiana to vote for Cleveland—CC editor] Wat wuz Civil
Servis Reform when I contribbitid $3.50, the half uv $7 wich I borrerered uv a
Louisville drummer, to the expense fund uv the noble band wich stared the
penitenshary in the face to help elect this ingrate, by repeetin in Cinsinnati?
Reform indeed! Wat clame hez that nigger Lubbock onto the post offis, ceptin that he kin
reed and write, and is capable uv handlin the one paper wich comes to the
post-offis, and the few letters wich are sent to the lottries from this
seckshun?
Is he
a Dimocrat? No! Is he uv any yoose to the Dimocratic party? No! It is a fact
wich ken be substansheated, that neether he nor Joe Bigler, nor Pollock, the
Illinoy storekeeper, even spent a dollar in Bascom's, but on the contrary they
hev organized Sunday skools among the niggers, and hev done everything in ther
power to counteract our efforts to keep this secshun strate in the Dimocratic
traces.
We
hev only one idee uv Civil Servis Reform. We want the offises. We hev wated for
24 long and dreery years for the places and we want em now. It is our opinyun,
that is the opinyun uv me and Issaker and the Deekin, that the perpetooity uv
the Dimocratic party depends upon the immejit rescoo uv us three men from the
thraldom uv Bascom. We want to be put in position to pay fur our
likker ez we order it, and not hev to feel that we are dependant onto the
pleasure uv one man for sustenance, who, bezoe he happens to hev cappytle, assooms
to own us, and, thro our stumicks, reely does own us.
We
can't wait till the commisshuns uv these men expire. We can't wait two yeers.
We didn't expect to wait two yeers. Supposin that the change wood be made March
5th, and dependin on hevin the receets uv the offises thro us, Bascom noo
shingled his grosery, and laid in a large stock uv likkers uv a better grade
than that wich he hez bin supplyin us with heretofore. To wait two yeers fur
the millenium wood be rooin to him and death to us. We can't live two longer on
the dry husks uv hope. Wat we we want is the joocy froot uv reality. It may not make any diffrense
to the people at large who holds the offises, but it does make a heap uv
diffrense to us wich wonts em. Bascom, wich furnishes the likker, the good
Deekin Pogram wich boards me, and Issaker Gavitt whose farm is morgaged, we
hold our hands appealingly. Help us, or we sink.
PETROLEUM V. NASBY, (Wailin.)
P. S.—I shel call a public indignashen meetin
next week ef our commishens don't come before.
1884 Civil Service Reform:
David Ross Locke:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Ross_Locke
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